* Sharapova spoof story backfires

In the world of tennis Maria Sharapova is one of the biggest super stars going and the Russian bombshell had everyone in a tizzy after a satirical story written by a major Vietnamese daily paper got mistaken for a true story and was subsequently picked up by the international press. A Vietnam-based online English language paper first translated the spoof story that the Australian Open Champion, who really was in Vietnam a while back, saw a bunch of local residents chasing mosquitoes with those buzzing and crackling plastic rackets near Bang Ky bridge in the south and after a mistranslation by her translator she mistakenly believed them to be passionate tennis fans who just couldn’t afford tennis balls. You know because playing with invisible tennis balls is like so much fun! The story continued that Maria was so moved by this tragic scene that she wrote to the Vietnamese tennis federation proposing to open a centre where impoverished tennis players could always find a ball with her name on it. Beautiful story but it turns out that Tuoi Tre ran it as a spoof article and doesn’t everyone feel pretty silly now?

* Hamsters nothing but trouble

The Year of the Rat has led to massive new fad for teenagers in Vietnam and China – keeping a hamster as a pet. This furry little critter is cheap, easily fed and cared for – even a fickle teenager could manage the responsibility! But there are growing fears that this mass movement will lead to an agricultural disaster and health problems for you, me and everyone we know – yes, even your super healthy tennis playing friends who go to yoga and pilates classes and swim 5km before eating a breakfast of muesli and fresh fruit will be defenseless against the bugs that come out of these rampant hamsters. You see droves of these oh-so adorable rodents are being smuggled in from China without quarantine and well, who knows where they’ve been. So if you see or know anyone with a hamster, tell them to put the little fur ball on the first train to Lao Cai and then place it on the other side of the border. We can only hope that we manage to get through to the Year of the Buffalo alive and well but sure then all the kids will want a large heifer for a pet and we'll all be knee deep in cut chau but at least that’ll be the last we hear of the hamsters for another Lunar zodiac cycle.

minskclubvietnam@hotmail.com

* By the power of UNESCO...
Those sterling fellows at UNESCO have stepped in to distance the organisation from the dubious natural7wonders.com campaign, which I mentioned in the last couple of posts, as it "cannot, in any significant and sustainable manner, contribute to the preservation of sites elected by this public" -- full press release here.

Obviously this could itself be some sort of ruse to try and get us off the hunt while Mount Fuji slips past Mount Phan Xi Pan into the top three, and if so we're not falling for it -- Fansipan vô địch!

*I'll huff and I'll puff and I'll ...

An angry mob does what the wolf couldn't do to a pig's brick house in Quang Nam and levels it. When you need to get something done, there's nothing like an angry mob...

Certainly makes me wonder...

Now I know what all those kids are doing in internet cafes all around Hanoi.

Nowt to do with Vietnam whatsoever parts 561, 562, 563, 564

Well, quite a few days it's been for the Oirish nation. Somebody better prepare the biggest tickertape parade the country has seen since we scored two goals in the European Championships '88.

*First we stuff the Scots at Croke Park in rugby then Spurs captain Robbie Keane lifts a trophy at Wembley...

*Then Glen "Outspan" Hansard won an Oscar...

We made this film two years ago; we shot it on two Handycams. It took us three weeks to make; we made it for a hundred grand. We never thought we'd ever come into a room like this and be in front of you people
Irishman Glen Hansard, who won best song - along with co-star Marketa Irglova - for Falling Slowly from their film Once

*He's not really Irish but he lives in Wicklow and that's good enough for us -- then Daniel Day Lewis also won an Oscar...

That's the closest I'll ever come to getting a knighthood
Daniel Day-Lewis on picking up his best actor Oscar from The Queen star Helen Mirren

* And most importantly we decide to send a gloved puppet to the Eurovision song contest...

UPDATE: I apologise for actually posting the song earlier-- it truly is a turkey. Ba dum tish.

* As commanded the sun is out and all the lovely young people are blowing around without the lid on -- just like these eight year olds (from a vnexpress photo essay) who would appear to be about three foot above sea level.

* There's a website new7wonders.com dedicated to compiling a list of the seven natural wonders of the world. You can vote for whatever you want as long as it is on the long list of the 77 wonders. Of course, you cynics might say it's therefore more of an indicator of who's got their marketing game going. I say poppycock! It' s about pride, glory, sticking it to the other so-called wonders and making them languish in a battle for mediocrity in the league of wonders.

Vietnam currently has three wonders in the top seven (Bangladesh also has three) -- eat that Mount Everest, Mount Fuji, Grand Canyon, Great Barrier Reef, Angel Falls, Niagara Falls, Powerscourt...

* The mysterious case of the super stimulating substance that makes vegetables grow quicker... reminds me of a film...

*I would just like to say, if I were near this sandwich, I would eat it.

*Plus two for Tuesday on a Wednesday over at upstairsforthinking...

*The Vietnamese Ugly Betty hit the screens last night and you could have heard a pin drop on the streets of Hanoi as families crowded around the telly to watch... yes, it's been a long, dark and desperate winter and we've arrived at the last resort: VTV comedy shows. Springtime you can't come to soon. May we all be sitting in a bia hoi wearing shorts this time tomorrow.

* Dust off your Red Dzao Hat and fill your H'Mong satchel with rượu and thuốc lào, one of Hanoi's most tres bien watering holes, Roots is throwing an Ethnic minority themed fancy dress party on Feb 22nd with DJs and turntablists (Jew's harp and chèo mash ups anyone?) and it's all for charity. More info at the Grapevine.



Rakishly tilted Red Dzao hats are sooooo hot right now.

* It Takes a Lot to Laugh, It Takes a Train to Cry on this busy little carriage. Huddling together means at least you'll stay warm I suppose. Now not that I would want to be harping on about the weather -- but check out these pix of the northern pastures.

* Of course, you can always warm up by stripping off and wrestling in a sandpit.

* Headline of the morning:
PM orders counter-offensive against north’s bitter cold spell.
"Slip on your long johns and woolly jumpers and fill the hot water bottles with piping hot trà, lads, we're going in!"
(Maybe Oslo can draw us a buffalo with a beanie or a cardigan?)

* Smoker's Delight... (via Vintage Advertising)



...of course, smoking killed the poor bastard in the end.

* "Nearby in a garden, thick vines curl around a concrete tree trunk that grows into a nude maiden, the main house. Two concrete giraffes house a cafe. A giant eagle perches on an egg-shaped fireplace. The giant spiderweb is made of wires and tubes and hangs over the pond. The solitary spider is carved out of wood, but there are other webs woven through the branches of the pines and extending to the house’s roof. They make bizarre patterns against the sky..."

Can you guess where? Need a clue? Think... Gnarls Barkley... Answer here.

* Well, in terms of Rolls Royces, TPHCM is leaving Hanoi trailing in its wake, with a 5-1 advantage. Even diminutive middle aged women are getting in on the act as Bà Diệp (pictured below) splashed out a cool $1.3 million for a rolls just before Tet. But as a responsible adult you'd have to be concerned that she might not be able see over the steering wheel, non? Or am I forgetting about Anh Jeeves?

Minsk Club Vietnam's 10th
anniversary and music festival



That's the email flier for the Minsk Club anniversary and music festival to be held early April and a clarion call for either a) sponsorship and b) photos (to be added to an open flickr account here)

You can email the club here --- minskclubvietnam@hotmail.com

It promises to be a hell of a day with loads and loads of great music... scratch that, AMAZING music with djs, bands and general hi-jinx going all day long at the American Club in Hanoi.

It'll be like Hanoi's answer to... um... Féile 1993!!!

I stress for the non-Minsk drivers or people unfamiliar with the club and its ethos, you DO NOT need to be a Minsk driver or have any interest in the Minsk or motorbikes at all. Doesn't matter if you ride a Honda Chaly or a Penny Farthing, you just have to live here!

So put the date in the diary and if you've any cool photos relating to Belorussia's finest steed then upload them at the flickr link.

Vietnamese consortium mulls Arsenal takeover bid
* Remember you always hear it here first. Even the gooner bloggers in old London Town (ain't burning down) won't have seen this one coming, but yes, apparently, a Vietnamese group have made tentative inquiries into buying up Arsenal stocks, taking the reins of power, replacing meat pies and lager with banh mi pate and Bia Ha Noi, sacking Arsene Wenger and employing Alfred Riedl as manager then promptly losing to Thailand on penalties.

The real story here, which I admit isn't quite as interesting as I probably made it sound, and I think it's just basically one guy shooting his mouth off as if him and his mates could buy Arsenal club, if they wanted to, but sure who cares what the real story is.

We don't start rumours, we just spread'em.

Bits and pieces...

* Hey! Leave those conical-hatted-women alone! Says this guy over at Thanh Nien.

* "Le Thi Man, a 31-year-old accountant, said her family of five has skipped the habit of starting the day with a streetside bowl of pho noodle soup.

"One bowl of pho a few months ago cost 10,000 dong," she said. "Now it's 15,000. Some places charge 20,000 or even 40,000 dong. Now I cook at home instead. I've just bought a box of instant noodles." "

AFP finally gets back after an extended Christmas-Tet holiday and covers the recent bout of inflation – sure, we've been talking about the price of cabbage and what have ya for months here at Pittstop HQ!!!

* "She burst through the door like a distressed damsel in an old movie; her mouth agog, her complexion rouge. Which of the exotic characters of modern Vietnam had she run up against, I wondered. Was it the pickpockets? The motorcycle gangs? A too-friendly taxi driver?"

Nope, it was the dreaded Hoi An tailors.

* From a very brief piece on Hanoi: "Besides, there cannot be many Asian capital cities of such large countries with so little traffic." Guess he was here over Tet... Pictured below is Vientiane. Now THAT'S a very quiet Asian capital... almost too quiet???



...and here's a shot of somewhere a wee bit busier. Almost... too busy???

* 'For VND10,000 notes, customers have to pay VND100,000 (US$6.25) for VND90,000 ($5.6) worth of notes. The smaller the value of the note, the higher the exchange price. "I have to pay VND160,000 ($10) to get 20 notes of VND5,000." said Tran Viet Hung of ABC Tourism.' What, what!?!?!?!?!

My tuppence worth of advice...

1) If you're in the business of giving mừng tuổi or li xi and need lots of small notes -- put whatever you just got in an envelope labelled do not open till next Tet. Then distribute freely in a year's time. Repeat annually ad infinitum.

2) If a shopkeeper offers you sweets instead of VND1,000 or VND500 change refuse and demand to be treated like an adult. Accept cigarettes, shots of ruou, peanuts,or else VND2,000. Definitely demand something on principle -- for skinflints everywhere you must fight back.

Another option I'm mulling over would be to accept the sweets then return one day, slap 2oo sweets on the counter and demand VND100,000 worth of goods.

CitiMart have made a few squid in the last 10 years on that oh-so-sneaky manoeuvre and I tell ya, I've had enough!

* Happiness is a warm gun: A young guy is stopped at Noi Bai for smuggling in a gun with bullets packed elsewhere in his suitcase.

His excuse? "My mother packed my bag."
* Freezing to death: It's so cold in some parts of the north that cows are dropping dead. What would Gary Larson think?

* "It might make some people’s skin crawl or stomach retch but it has been known for rats to be served up for dinner in Vietnam and there’s no respite just because it is the Year of the Rat." From TO.

Said it before, and I'll stand by my words, that's one dish I have yet to try and never will. But I really, really hate rats. But then doesn't everyone? Even David 'pick flowers with the gorillas' Attenborough hates rats.



*Nothing to do with Vietnam whatsoever #672: As nothing happened over Tet and just because he's a funny writer I'm reading a lot of lately, Charlie Brooker on UnValentine's Day.

Valentine's Day, International Women's Day and Vietnamese Women's Day never seem that far apart here (I might be very wrong about that...) and from a distance I really can't tell the difference in how people celebrate each one -- perhaps Valentine's Day is more discriminate. and on or either or both of the women's days whenever I'm out there's always a huge table of drunk men with the ladies who have on the day that's in it been allowed to tag along for the night and receive a dozen or so single red roses.

Each of these celebratory days, along with teacher's day, is also a time for florists to rejoice and think about adding another storey to the top of their house.





.

* "He's just 21, no one has ever heard of him, he is making his debut for France against Scotland at outside-half this afternoon, and he is only playing there because he grew too big for his original position of scrum-half. Welcome to Francois Trinh-Duc and the madcap world of French No 10s, a surreal environment in which Trinh-Duc, the newest member of an extraordinarily ineffective cast, is the seventh individual in 23 games to feature in the pivotal role for France."

Just for you rugby fans out there, keep an eye out, or spare a thought for Francois today as he braves the not-so-sunny climes of Scotland. The young player of Vietnamese extraction will be making his debut in a side "born of beautiful folly" according to Eddie Butler.

That means he also thinks they're completely bats playing young Francois.

We shall see.

Thao Nguyen and the Get Down Stay Down



I stumbled on this young lass Thao Nguyen's music thanks to Irish Times journalist Jim Carroll's music blog. She's more Virginia than Vina and now based in Washington DC-or-San Fran according to her myspace page. But thought I'd post it here 'cos she's Vietnamese and the music is dead cool. Maybe someday she'll come and play at the R&R tavern...

Here's her official website page. Some of you might notice her singing voice has a touch of Cat Power, at least that opening song on her myspace page Beat Health Life and Fire -- embedded below -- does. It's a cracker. Enjoy.