Wednesday, May 30, 2007

Last month's picture of the month is up at Pittstop's Vietnamese mucker's blog Life as a Comfortable Loser.

Don't be fooled by the name, the pic is a winner.

Tuesday, May 29, 2007

Teddy de Burca Jnr.'s thought for the day
Just what the hell is going on with Facebook? I can answer that question for you, if you like – IT’S TAKING OVER THE WORLD.

Invented by a Harvard University drop-out (a la Bill Gates) originally as a tool to keep alumni in touch for the rest of their lives – so you can see your old class chums age, slowly but surely, year after year – it has now become the most popular new web service combining various features from email, Myspace, Friendster and Flickr into one.

All very well for catching up with old friends or hooking up with your friends' friends, if that’s your bag, but do fellow Hanoians really need to join it or invite each other to be members when we’re living in the same city, especially considering the campus-like atmosphere that already exists amongst the expat community. Most oddly, people who don’t even like each other in real life can be friends in Facebook.

After signing up and signing in I was thrown off by the rather twee business of “poking” (grabbing someone’s attention?), updates on people’s moods (Frank is having a coffee and thinking about having some toast), writing on friends walls (Teddy de Burca wuz here), online unions (Jack and Jill are now friends!), your profile (Richard likes water sports, girls with a sense of humour and getting caught in the rain) and the parade of look-at-me-ness – look at me I’m sultry, look at me I’m wacky, look at me I’m having f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-un at my birthday party, you can tell because we’re all wearing silly hats!

Terrified, I deactivated my account after five minutes. But now I’m left out of conversations in the real world as people meet up and chat about Facebook and what photos have been posted as now rather than emailing photos people just upload them to Facebook or else they talk about who just “joined the community”. One of us, one of us, one of us…

So by opting out of this creepy online social network I’ve ostracised myself. I’m not sure if I’m the fool who didn’t believe in emails and said that the art of letter writing would never die or the guy who didn’t go blind before the attack of the Triffids.

I’m banking on the latter and that everyone in Facebook is being brainwashed and will perish in the not-too-distant future. Meanwhile if anyone’s up for a non-Facebook related conversation (or perhaps even forming a resistance movement) I’ll be at the bia hoi – I might even bring an old shoebox full of photos, write a few postcards or send a letter to the Prussian consulate in Siam by aeromail or am I too late for the 4:30 autogyro?

See y’all round campus.


Bonus extra

The Guardian's Charlie Brooks' rant against facebook

Monday, May 28, 2007

Gaelic games come to Vietnam

The Asian Gaelic Games are to be held in Singapore this year from June 23rd - 24th.



There's been a Vietnamese Gaelic football team assembled, which is currently four weeks into a gruelling eight week training (and learning the rules) programme. They haven't a chance at winning but they'll be dressed to impress and sure I personally just want to see the Sling factories where those fancy cocktails come from. Though I'm a bit concerned most of our team will be arrested for bad habits they've picked up, such as smoking anywhere you like or hurling used napkins and chicken bones onto the floor, driving the wrong down a street with no helmet while texting your friends, who you left back in the pub.

After all - Singapore is famous for scrupulously clean surroundings and a very strict administration


Hmmm, not two things which are high on my "why-I-would-travel-to-another-country" list but ...well, this is the kind of sacrifice I will make for my country and Vietnam.

Here's a press release written by Pittstop Public Relations team.

A brief history of the Viet Celts' brief history

Previously in Vietnam the word 'ga' with a falling tone might have meant chicken or with no tone at all 'station' but now the scholars will have to make room in the local dictionary for a new entry - GAA (Gaelic Athletic Association) as Gaelic Football has landed in Vietnam and although not too many people know it, the very-recently formed Viet Celts are about to change sport in the land of Ho Chi Minh… possibly forever!

In what will surely be known as a hinge of history in years to come, one minute a motley bunch of Vietnam-based expats were drinking beer, smoking cigarettes and talking about – of all things – cricket, the next they, and a couple of unsuspecting local Hanoi lads, had been presented with an opportunity to join the Viet Celts Gaelic Football team. All they had to do was remember or learn how to play Gaelic football and travel to Singapore to represent Vietnam in the Asian Gaelic Games.

Bemused onlookers at the inaugural training session will no doubt never forget the day four 'Ong Tay' (foreign gents) stood in a circle punching a football to each other. Despite the meagre turnout a seed had been planted and the word started to spread. Dreams grew and eyes twinkled with thoughts of what may come to pass and the excitement manifested itself in a bunch of slightly humorous emails. The next Sunday a score of would-be players arrived and passing motorbikes that slowed down by the Thuy Loi pitch would have had the privilege of witnessing the first ever Gaelic Football game played in Vietnam, not that they necessarily would have realised what was going on when people were being congratulated for punting the ball ten feet over the crossbar.

Colm "At the end of the day, I'm the Gaffer" Ross, threw the imported-with-no-expense-spared-O'Neills' ball into the air and the Viet-Celts sprang into action. Four minutes later, slowly evaporating in the sweltering heat, cries for a break were ignored as Patrick Cooney rattled the dust off the back of the onion sack to score the first ever goal in Viet-GAA-history.

Slowly over the ensuing weeks, the lads have met up every Sunday to hone their skills or in most cases learn the rules from scratch, in preparation for the Asian Gaelic Games to be held in Singapore on June 23-24. The lads are quietly confident they can turn a few heads in the looks department, if not on the actual playing field. As for their secret weapon, as soon as they work out who or what that is, they're definitely keeping it to themselves – otherwise it wouldn't be a secret.



The Viet Celts travel to Singapore thanks to the generous sponsorship of ESB International, Terotech International Limited, Finnegan's Bar Hanoi, and Enterprise Ireland.


A few classic quotes by the inimitable commentator Micheal O' Muircheartaigh, the Voice of Gaelic Games.

"I saw a few Sligo people at Mass in Gardiner Street this morning and the omens seem to be good for them. The priest was wearing the same colours as the Sligo jersey! Forty yards out on the Hogan Stand side of the field Ciarán Whelan goes on a rampage, it's a goal. So much for religion."

"Colin Corkery on the 45 lets go with the right boot. It's over the bar. This man shouldn't be playing football. He's made an almost Lazarus-like recovery from a heart condition. Lazarus was a great man, but he couldn't kick points like Colin Corkery."

"Sean Og O'Hailpin... his father's from Fermanagh, his mother's from Fiji, neither a hurling stronghold."

"And Brian Dooher is down injured. And while he is, I'll tell ye a little story. I was in Times Square in New York last week, and I was missing the Championship back home. So I approached a news stand and I said: 'I suppose ye wouldn't have The Kerryman, would ye?' To which the Egyptian behind the counter turned to me and he said: 'Do you want the North Kerry edition or the South Kerry edition?'. He had both. So I bought both. And Dooher is back on his feet."

"Teddy McCarthy to John McCarthy, no relation, John McCarthy back to Teddy McCarthy, still no relation."

"Teddy looks at the ball, the ball looks at Teddy."

"Pat Fox out to the forty and grabs the sliothar, I bought a dog from his father last week. Fox turns and sprints for goal, the dog ran a great race last Tuesday in Limerick. Fox to the 21 fires a shot, it goes to the left and wide... and the dog lost as well."

"Setanta Ó hAilpín....the original Setanta from the old Gaelic stories was ten foot tall, had ten fingers on each hand and ten toes on each foot but even he couldn't be playing better hurling than his namesake here today."
That day has come - the drilling, crashing, smashing, banging, Whoo-hoo-ing, Tay oi-ing, hammering, grinding, hacking and sawing begins... – the octogenarian or nonagenarian woman has passed, or sold up, and her bungalow has been demolished. The construction starts this week.

Six months of Sunday-sleepin-lessness and grumpiness starts here.

From the archives: UNDER CONSTRUCTION
Teddy de Burca Jnr. ponders a rather challenging work in progress – the street he lives on
Every time I return from a trip abroad, I wonder if the construction work on my street has finished. It doesn’t matter how often I go, or even how long I stay away. It never does. The road is long. So, so long.
Read more...

I wonder how many floors the new building will be... six, seven, eight? Odds on it's slightly taller than the last one, which was of course, slightly taller than the previously built one, in what seems to be some kind of oneupmanship-domino effect.

Though perhaps people need to be a bit more careful they have the planning permission for these towering abodes these days... though these buildings (see below) are quite a bit bigger, their top floors are being being pulled down for going up too far.

Hanoi high-rises set to demolish unauthorized floors

Owners of a 17-story building in Hanoi began to remove furniture and equipment Friday from the unauthorized top three floors in preparation for their demolition.

Besides the building on Dao Duy Anh Street in Dong Da district, four others in the capital too are set to lose their unauthorized floors.
Read more...

According to this week's VIR only 70 per cent of construction sites in Hanoi have planning permission, while 34 per cent of that lot have ignored building restrictions. .

Sunday, May 27, 2007

Inspired by a recent conversation about sending a text to the wrong person, or worse, the person you were texting about (and obviously worse still if you weren't being nice), I dug up this ditty by the shaggy-haired Irish comedian David O' Doherty - a.k.a. the DOD

Wednesday, May 23, 2007

Two quick things...


One
- I'm watching Vietnam Idol and it is hilarious and even if your tieng viet is piss-poor it's worth it - some hilarious breakdancing singers, lots of hair gel, over the top ballad singers and moody rockers... right now I just saw these brilliant ethnic minority guys - six friends, all very cocksure - from Dak Lak province all get the golden ticket. You can see it on HTV9, the Hanoi channel or the Ho Chi Minh channels - it's not on VTV.

Two - An ex-colleague from the US writes about another ex-colleague from Hanoi and censorship here. It's a short, sharp piece which is worth a quick look especially for you sub-editors, hacks and scribes out there who've seen your prose clipped or headlines altered.

Over and out.
Pimp your Xe May

So Tut xe that me is the online only or webshow version of MTV's Pimp my Ride, if yer a sunny-Saigon resident perhaps you'd be interested, apparently you can send off your details and you might just BE THE ONE! or your Honda Dream might BE THE XE MAY that is tut-ed?

As rapper x-hibit was the host of the US version, they're trying to maintain a hip-hoppety-don't-you-stop-me feel with Tien Dat, or is it Dat tien, the rapper and model Tommy Tran doing the high-fiving.

And as for the weather, proof I wasn't exaggerating - tomorrow will be just the 42 degrees.
Nong enough for ya?
Man alive it's hot today - red lights leave you in the sun and you slowly bake while begging for it to turn green. Though you could drive straight through as its so hot the boys in khaki are nowhere to be seen.

Which makes me think of jobs I wouldn't want to be doing in Hanoi on a day like today, which include...

1) Pump attendant - Working in a Hanoi petrol station with the fumes, the engines running, everyone pushing and shoving. It seems five degrees hotter in the shaded petrol station then it does on the street
2) Meat griller – Grilling the meat at a bun cha joint, sitting by the flames all afternoon.
3) Rubbish collector - Wrapped up a jumpsuit, traipsing the streets of the city shovelling everyone else's crap up all day long. These women (mostly it seems they are women) are the unsung heroes of the city.

It was this sort of weather when I came back from a Bangkok hospital with a cast on my leg two years back. That was bad enough but then my street's eletricity-pole went up in flames and exploded meaning the power - obviously - went out for a couple of days. That night I slept naked on my tiled-floors and it was still hot as bejesus. That's a lie, I didn't sleep. I just lay, reflecting on my rather foolish decsion to opt for a first class ticket paid for by insurance company to come back to Hanoi rather than all the way to Dublin (where I was going in a couple of weeks anyway).

Ah dearie me, hindsight... as useful as an ashtray on a motorbike.

Tuesday, May 15, 2007

More on Runarn "God Bless" Keytarn's gig in the bodge here , "Ronan tried to get the crowd to sing a few song choruses, of which they knew one (the ringtone one), and told the crowd he hoped more singers would come to Cambodia", check out the comments and also a thankfully short interview at AsiaLife's website. It's very boring, which is understandable as Mad Rock 'n' roll Ronan he ain't.
Hors d’œuvres
The Irish Celtic Tiger is in-coming, a fake Shaman gives up the game and admits he's actually just a Sham-man, plus Hoi An is my kinda-town - mucho kudos!, cat food (cat owners beware), the slow death of the circus in Vietnam...
Not only did he arrive to find the rows of seats occupied by only a handful of audience members, "but the worst part didn’t come until the performance started," Minh said. Read more.

And Irishman superstar Ronan "God bless" Keating went to Cambodia... or should I say Runarn Keytarn went to Kampuchea?
The former Boyzone frontman, with more than 20 hit singles to his name, will now sing to a scaled-back audience of 7,000 inside an undercover arena instead of in the full stadium, which has a capacity of 50,000.

With ticket prices at $15, $25 and $65, no one should be too surprised that tickets aren’t exactly selling like stolen Landcruisers. But apparently, concert promoters are having trouble even giving tickets away. The main problem, it seems, is that not even trendy Phnom Penh teenagers know who the guy is.

Keating seems little known in Cambodia, despite marketing efforts by Mobitel, who have had his 2002 hit song “If Tomorrow Never Comes” available for download as a ring tone. Kunthea Yem, 23, a waitress who earns about $60 per month, is a huge fan of the song and has almost mastered the chorus in her broken English. But when asked who the singer was she had no idea - nor did she know Keating was about to play in Phnom Penh.

“I remember someone said an international singer was coming here,” she said, as the song crackled out of her mobile phone. “Runarn Keytarn? No, I don’t know him. Anyway, I guess the concert will be too expensive.”

Read more here at details are sketchy.

So I guess Gary Glitter is still the most famous singer to have been to Cambodia.

Monday, May 14, 2007

From this week's Timeout, with kind permission...


Get your Minsk running 'cos it's ....

THE BIG FAT DELICIOUS - MINSK OLYMPICS 2007

Frank Patterson dusts off his dancing shoes and revs up his Minsk in preparation for the annual Minsk Olympics at Thac Da resort, which has been the party of the summer in the north for the last four years


The more the merrier
Before you start picturing pole-vaulting Belarussians or tattooed bikers pulling off Evil Knievel-style wheelies, I should point out that the Minsk Olympics might sound a tad misleading. For starters you don’t even have to ride a Minsk motorbike to come! Although the event is organised by Hanoi Minsk Club the weekend rally is less about motorbikes and more about letting your hair down with a bunch of fellow Vietnam residents (both Vietnamese and foreigners) in the great outdoors for a change! The actual Olympian events, which are on the Sunday, are also just for fun (mind you, I do happen to know a man who might be running a book).
Hanoi Minsk Club has operated since 1998 and this year’s Olympics rally on May 26-27 will mark the 40th official gathering of the Club. Now in its fifth year, the Minsk Olympics weekend rally has been lauded in Hanoi circles as the party of the summer for the previous four years. Last summer over 150 people made the short trip out to Thac Da resort, which sits in the foothills of Ba Vi Mountain, near Son Tay, about 50km west of Hanoi. Club organisers will be hoping to surpass that tally this year.

Fitter, happier... slower?

Most people head out to Thac Da at around noon, or early afternoon, by motorbike. After arriving and grabbing a beer you can head up to the football pitch to watch the Minsk Club’s football team take on Thac Da FC at 4pm. Last year, the Minsk Club players, distracted by the breathtaking scenery and failing to adjust to the high altitude, eventually succumbed to the fitter (and, yes, better) local team, eventually losing 2-0.
As usual in the evening, there will be a slap up buffet dinner whilst enjoying dirt bike videos from around Vietnam and Mongolia, then you can slip into your dancing shoes or out of your dep, and check out the live music. After the bands a host of Hanoi’s most cutting edge DJs, including the boys from the CAMA Soundsystem, will be twiddling the knobs and playing tunes that will keep you smiling through the night.
The next morning the games begin. First, the Piston Trophy is up for grabs for the winner of the individual time trial (slow race). Defending champion Vu The Vinh will be out to go slower than ever before in a bid to claim his third title – but there’s no shortage of competition with the likes of Donny Anh Nguyen (last year’s runner-up) and the undisputed Queen of the Minsk, Maeve Nolan (people’s champion 2003) in hot pursuit. After lunch it’s time for the Comrade Struggle. In this doubles event the pillion passenger is blindfolded and has to hurl inflated inner-tubes into a goal while being driven around by his or her partner. At the end of the day, it’s the Comrade who can get his ring over the trophy, ahem, who wins.

Tell me more!

The Minsk Club is a not-for-profit organisation and the weekend costs only VND400,000 ($25) which includes entry to the resort, bike parking, buffet dinner, breakfast, picnic lunch, stilt house accommodation and all live entertainment. Click onto www.minskclubvietnam.com for directions and a downloadable map. Email minskclubvietnam@hotmail.com for more details or reservations (private air con rooms available on request).
For those looking to link with other riders there is a group scheduled to leave from the Highway4 Restaurant, 575 Kim Ma, at 1pm on Saturday 26th May – again, contact the club to book a seat or find out more.
Remember, it doesn’t matter if you drive a Honda Charly, Vespa or Penny Farthing – everyone is welcome and it is the more the merrier! If you want to rent a Minsk for the weekend, try Cuong’s Adventure Biking, 1 Luong Ngoc Quyen, 04 926 1534 or 091 3518772.
Hanoi the best place to ...
Just reading the latest Time magazine (asian ed.) with a "best place to blankety-blank in Asia" feature.

Hanoi, or more specifically Nha Tho street in Hanoi, is.... wait for it... (drum roll please!) described as the best place to do your Christmas shopping. Suppose they might be right. Last Christmas a quick two-hour shopping spree saw me loaded up with a pile of lacquer, propaganda bits and pieces, a few Vietnam t-shirts and sure didn't the extended de Burca clan just love it all.

What's slightly more contentious for expats would be the recommendation to start off with a coffee in Cafe Mocha, a place pretty much no one I know would touch with a twenty foot bamboo ladder from Hang Vai street (you know the place with the twenty foot bamboo ladders?). Yes, it was the who's-who-of-Hanoi place to eat Sunday brunch circa 2000 when they had copies of the Newyorker and a New Orleans-born manager but man alive did it plummet in standards a few years back (three? four? five?) - visible rats, menus falling apart, waiters who had clearly given up on life and embraced ennui. Oh and the food was rapidly in decline too.

HOWEVER, it still is a mighty spot/location, so that's what still cajoles the customers inside, mostly tourists methinks, and the coffee might very well be decent but can't vouch for it anymore. And although at this time of year it's a bit early to be Christmas Shopping, when in Rome... er...

Personally I think Hanoi is the best place to eat out six-nights a week. But each to their own.

Sunday, May 13, 2007

Tuesday, May 08, 2007

Vietnam Moment No. 2,986,356
Driving down the road, back from a trip, on that busy, busy, shitty road where the dust never settles through Ha Dong. Hot, bothered, tired - I could barely keep my head up. Then suddenly in front of me I spy an army fella on his Honda Dream - he's dressed in his mushy-pea green uniform and cruising with his lady, whose head is hatted and face is wrapped up in a US-flag bandana. My camera was in my sidepockets. I could have reached in, tried to photo it and post it and then I wouldn't have had to write this, but in that traffic it would have been purrrr-etty stupid. So I didn't, which is why I'm telling you about it now.

Just one of those moments.
The bike makes the man
Teddy de Burca Jnr. takes us through a lineup of the motors he once had the pleasure to drive, how they made him feel and how they made him look in the eyes of the public

Over the years I’ve either owned or borrowed a wide range of two-wheelers in Vietnam. I’ve been laughed at, winked at, honked at, abused and ignored. So below here’s a quick guide to what each motorbike represents in the eyes of the public (in my opinion, which is of course the right one, in my opinion).

Honda Dream – Old reliable. This says “you will always find me in the kitchen at parties”. On the road no one acknowledges you. In fact it’s positively anonymous. Its plain exterior could almost be an ironic celebration of the motorbike’s famed functionality but of course its not. It’s way too boring for that. A more apt name would be the Honda Reality. But, steady as she goes on the Hanoi roads, this is the bike for flying under the radar and playing it safe. If you’re trying to avoid people, this is your man.


Honda Wave
– A sleek version of the aforementioned Honda Dream, but more androgynous and also a flimsier product and more prone to breakdowns. Driving this says you’re not the kind to brag or show off but you want to look good at the traffic lights. You need to get around town with a splash of style and a fair degree of reliability. Just avoid a helmet that matches the colour of your motorbike. That looks really twee.

Minsk – Once the Minsk said “I am Expat hear me roar” but numbers of expats riding this Belorusian two stroke are dwindling fast while more local youngsters seem to be flying around town on them looking dark and moody. It says "I might just be heading off to the mountains" unless you're wearing a suit which means you're off to work - heigh-ho - but still want to retain that rough and ready image. Unreliable for those who don’t want to get their hands dirty, and unapologetically smoky, this is the bike to make enemies at the traffic lights. While if you’re hoping on impressing the beautiful people on the terraced-cafés then leave it somewhere else before arriving for your ca phe sua da. If you already have one, then you either don’t know this and are living in denial or do know this and don’t care.


MZ 250cc
– Virtually extinct this ugly Germanic cousin of the Minsk is twice as loud and twice as smoky – so just multiply whatever I said about the Minsk by two. One advantage of the rumbling engine is it scares the bejesus out of every one. As they scurry to the sides you sail through. Very nearly lost my girlfriend over this one and in the end she paid my friend (one gin and tonic) to take it away while I was on holidays.

Any kind of dirt bike – Well you might as well be waving a flag. Yes, we see you and hear you. You are most certainly male and we’re not suggesting for a minute you’re compensating for something but let’s just say if you’re NOT actually using it for off road adventures in the back of beyond then it might as well be true.

Yamaha Mio/ Nouvo
– The Mio is a small person’s automatic, you should probably not be riding this if you’re a large cumbersome male, as I did (I was in between bikes, alright?). Truck drivers slowed down and howled with laughter while giggling kids sped past me on their rickety bicycles. Like a bear on a tricycle, apparently. The Mio and the Nouvo are the latest in conventional style. Nouvo and Mio drivers like modern gadgets and hope to come across as smooth and modern as a flat screen TV. And if it’s good enough for Brad Pitt…

Other bikes I haven’t driven but are worth mentioning
Old Vespas – A touch of old school class. These beautiful vintage Italian machines are eye catching and cool. It says “less about little old you, and more about little old me” or perhaps, later on in the night, "let's get out of these wet clothes and slip into a dry martini". The only problem is when the little fellow breaks down on your way home at 2am or gets cold in winter – ah bless.

Enormous motorbikes with sidecars
– The Sunday driving toy for expat males with kids. If you live down a lane then you’re probably too lazy to take it out Monday to Saturday but when Sunday rolls around you get out onto the open road and search the land for a nice cappuccino. I’ve only ever sat in the sidecar and I didn’t feel or look as cool as the guy who was driving it but he was also wearing a WWII helmet and fighter pilot goggles. In the sidecar reminded me of sitting in a xich lo – you do it to relax and enjoy looking at the city, but in the end the city’s looking at you. At least in a sidecar you go faster. Without a passenger it’s good for picking up the groceries from Vivimart or transporting potted plants.

Fancy modern Vespas/ Dylans/ Honda @ – Oh yeah baby, you’ve made, you got it, so why the hell not flaunt it. It’s either that or you just borrowed it from your new girlfriend or boyfriend – in which case, you might be flaunting two things at once.

The bike I’m driving now
It’s a 1980s Vespa PX and yes I know – it says “I am a middle aged beret-wearing artist with a moustache or a goatee, by day I smoke Vinataba and drink coffee, by night I wear stripy pajamas”. But hey, as long as I’m comfortable with that then it’s my problem.

Thursday, May 03, 2007

Bank holidays...
Our mate Frank went to Ba Be lake - and sure didn't he have a wonderful time and didn't our other mucker Daniel Kirk go surfing - and if he says its safe to sure, well then it's safe to surf.

It is not however safe to drive - 108 killed and 180 injured in four days.

Which is why we Pittstop HQ staffers stayed in Hanoi taking advantage of the fact that everyone else left town. Ah the empty streets, the lack of people to meet, all the bars shutting early, liberating and stifling all at once, like Tet with warm weather - until it hammered rain that is.

On another note, how many people do you think you could fit on Cat Ba island?

Other titbits: a dragon girl has been mistaken for a mini-miracle maker

And if you have that screenplay you've been writing handy ...


Plus I mentioned scent free Durians were invented a few posts ago and well, sure didn't one kind Pittstop reader inform us that he came across Durian-scented rubbers in Xin Man, Ha Giang province.

Well, I never, ever, ever, ever heard the like.