Friday, December 21, 2007

Pittstop Works' staffers are not in the office
We've done a legger back to sunny Ireland for the Christmas and will not be posting anything until sometime in the New Year and you shouldn't be on the computer and wasting your time on the bleeding internet anyway.

It's Christmas. Go put on your woolly jumper, read a book, watch Raiders of the Lost Ark, ET, A Wonderful Life, etc, and drink, eat and be merry, fall asleep on the couch.

Have a good one.



Wednesday, December 19, 2007

Stop the traffic
Q-- How do you stop the tiny-wee-three-foot-above-sea-level people on the streets with no helmets?

A-- With a tiny wee stop sign of course.
Owl and the Sparrow
The film Owl and the Sparrow, directed by a Viet Kieu fellow called Stephen Gauger and set as well as shot in Saigon, has been in the press a bit here of late but it's been picking up awards around the world for the last year. Might be worth a look if you can find it -- wherever you are dear reader on foreign shores. Will be hitting the cinemas in Vietnam early next year.


Tuesday, December 18, 2007

Tom Waits for Christmas No.1 in Ireland
Nothing to do with Hanoi, Vietnam whatsoever: Could 'Christmas card from a hooker in Minneapolis' by Tom Waits be number one for Christmas back in sunny Ireland?

This guy hopes so
because he wants to stick it to the man -- Louis Walsh, Westlife, daytime radio, etc -- and I urge my three Dublin based readers to support this ever-so naughty campaign.

"The song will need to be purchased online before the 20th of December in order to do this"... "anywhere IRMA use the stats for the charts..."

The SEA Games -- a striking pattern

The 2001 games Held in Malaysia...

Position Country Gold Silver Bronze Total
1 Malaysia 111 75 85 271
2 Thailand 103 86 89 278
3 Indonesia 72 74 80 226
4 Vietnam 33 35 64 132
5 Philippines 30 66 67 163
.... the 2003 games held in Vietnam

Flag of Vietnam Vietnam 158 97 91 346
2 Flag of Thailand Thailand 90 93 98 281
3 Flag of Indonesia Indonesia 55 68 98 221
4 Flag of the Philippines Philippines 48 54 75 177
5 Flag of Malaysia Malaysia 44 42 59 145
...the 2005 games held in Philippines

1 Philippines 113 84 94 291
2 Thailand 87 78 118 283
3 Vietnam 71 68 89 228
4 Malaysia 61 49 65 175
5 Indonesia 49 79 89 217
...and most recently in Thailand

Flag of Thailand Thailand 183 123 103 409 150[2]
2 Flag of Malaysia Malaysia 68 52 96 216 64[3]
3 Flag of Vietnam Vietnam 64 58 82 204 60-65[4]
4 Flag of Indonesia Indonesia 56 64 83 203 65[5]
5 Flag of Singapore Singapore 43 43 41 127 35-4
The wonders of home advantage eh? The next games are in Laos so this pattern might come to an end unless snoozing, taking it easy, tubing down the Mekong and other such activities can become recognised sports. However... I did note that if the laid back Laoatians fail to get their act together the games will be moved to Singapore.

Monday, December 17, 2007

Consumers demand instructions
Irritated by suggestions on this very blog that they don't understand the concept of a helmet, people who've been whizzing around devil-may-care without their helmet-strapped on properly have pointed the finger at manufacturers, who have failed to supply instructions.

Deadly serious though, this article
from those sterling people at Vietnamnet does actually provide instructions -- as you see below. Next week -- buckling up!



Helmets are already getting a bad rap from people tired of carrying them around everywhere as if you leave one on your bike, these days, now that you need to wear one, it'll be promptly thieved.

One answer is the helmet-padlock -- but can Ong Viet Tiep (Mr Padlock of Vietnam) manage to get 22 million padlocks to meet demand!? The website says they can only produce 10 million products a year. Get the lead out lads!

In the same video you'll also see Hanoi's latest street side business -- helmet-minders.

Life, eh?









Helmets on heads but...

A marvelous photo essay on Vietnamnet today, which gives you a good idea of why incidents of brain trauma won't be going down quite as much as expected/ hoped with introduction of the wear-a-helmet-or-else-law. The guy with his helmet on backwards is a winner, as well as the one with his mobile tucked into the side -- bravo! -- and the one with the strap on over the top of his helmet, as opposed to under his chin... well, what can we say, too cool for school, boys.



There's a fair bit of back slapping going on over the success of the new law: Compliance marks first day of helmet law says the Thanh Nien, with an estimated 90 per cent of the population at large wearing helmets, (99 per cent in Hanoi apparently -- ngoan the!).

But... as you'll see in the photo essay, quite a few of these compliant folk are not quite getting the concept behind the whole grand scheme. (How to wear a helmet workshops?)

You know what they say, if common sense was common, there'd be more of it around.


Off road driving
Sometimes in the morning you can get an instant almost instinctive sense of the madness on the roads. You just know something is going to happen. You spot subtle telltale signs such as the taxi driver on Xuan Dieu road this morning trying to overtake seven cars by slaloming in and out of the cars one by one while flashing his lights, tooting his horn and generally looking like an almighty accident about to happen, but one doesn't. He gets to his destination – to pick up a customer and then starts to drive slowly and carefully down Yen Phu road, perhaps making pleasant chit chat with his fare. "Traffic is awful today, isn't it?", "Oh yes, so many crazy drivers on the roads these days...", "All trees and bicycles when I was a young girl.", "Oh yes, if it weren't for the tigers we would have been sleeping out in the woods."

Then a little bit further down Nghi Tam road you see the road is jammed and you slip down the gutter-road below and spot this.






It's one of those just-as-terrifying-as-it-is-funny moments. And there's a touch of the giant turnip about it. All these guys were ready to put their bodies on the line and push as the driver tried to reverse the car back up, I think. I didn't stick around. I think they should just leave it there, to slowly rust and rot, and one day, years from now, it will be a wee-moss-covered hillock and young dandies will loll on top making daisy-chains, penning sonnets and blowing kisses to the ladies flowing past on electric-powered-unicycles.
Mind your 'Ps' and 'Qs' and the odd 'n'

Well, a small business cocking up their English spelling is more forgivable than say a national carrier getting the grammar wrong on several million cardboard boxes served to every English speaking customer on short hops from Hanoi or HCM City to Danang or Nha Trang, etc.

This shop just opened up on the top of Dang Thai Mai, beside this bia hoi joint.



Can't really say anything to that can you. Recently built, it has yet to open. In a country with a few thousand menus advertising 'fried crap' and so on, not a big surprise, but if you're going for high-end, as they are in this case, it's a rather calamitous error.

(How's my spelling and grammar there? I realise I'm not necessarily one to be on the high horse in that regard)

Thursday, December 13, 2007

Hit and Runs -- that's plural
Oh lord, all these new cars and people learning as they go makes me very nervous. Last week local newspapers reported a series of hit and runs – that’s plural – all by the same car. A black Porsche Cayenne SUV knocked a bunch of motorbikes over while driving over Thanh Nien Road in Hanoi, injuring two people seriously – the billion-dong car only stopped when one of its tires went flat. There were two people inside – a 25-year-old woman and a 35-year-old man – and when the police caught up with them and hauled them down the station both of them pointed the finger at each other and said “He/ she was driving!” Apparently both were behind the wheel at different stages. The woman has no driving license and she said she was suffering from low blood pressure which is why she couldn’t control the car (nothing to do with the fact she couldn’t drive).

Here's a video of the trail of destruction left behind.
Weird futuristic helmets
This is it, the last days before December 15th, the day helmets become compulsory for EVERYONE! The police will be out en masse ready to take down you helmet-less mavericks.

Though let's see what happens. Everyone is buying one, though plenty of people aren't actually wearing them yet, stubbornly waiting for the deadline day, enjoying those last days of the wind-blowing-through-your-hair-freedom and the way she might look at you at the traffic lights...

This xe om driver told AFP why he has bought two helmets but is enjoying his last days blowing around with the lid off: "When everybody starts to wear rice cookers on their heads, we will look like we all come from another planet. We'll look like we're living in the 25th century."

Say what?

See also this recent Time article -- Fashion police vs. Traffic Police

Scorpions on a plane
A passenger airliner in Vietnam was halted on the runway in Danang yesterday when scorpions were found loose in the cabin -- "I am sick and tired of these mudderfuggin' scorpions on this mudderfuggin plane," someone should have said.

A sequel for Samuel Jackson and the boys?
Vietnam football team flops, Coach Reidl resigns, will the betrayed fan want his kidney back?

When I clicked on Alfred Riedl's homepage this morning it appeared I was the first ever visitor. At least the counter was set at zero. It felt like an honour...



...and honour is what the Vietnam Football Federation wanted him to resign with -- after Vietnam flopped at the SEA games and grown men wept-- pleading with him to leave voluntarily so they didn't have to sack him (and shell out more dollars).

But he wasn't going easy -- claiming he wasn't to blame, entirely, and that's fair enough, as he certainly didn't take one of the penalties in the shoot out against the might of Myanmar and Vietnam missed three out of four. Anyway, eventually he settled for a pay out of less than 100 % and more than what the VFF first suggested and life goes on.

That was the third stint for Riedl as coach of the national team since 1998. He was hailed a hero after the 2007 Asia Cup when Vietnam reached the quarter finals and -- feel the love! -- when he required a new kidney earlier in the year more than 70 football fans offered to donate the vital organ to him! One was chosen and Riedl made a full recovery.

"I asked them why they wanted to do this, and they said: 'You did something good for us, and now we help you,'" Riedl later told reporters.

Can this 'kidney for a favour philosophy' be reversed and if so, will the irate fan now demand his kidney back? Worrying times indeed for the Austrian coach.

Anyway, we here at Pittstop Works salute the man who once answered the Timeout reporter's question 'if the goal posts were widened in football would there be more shots off the post?' with a cold and reasoned 'no'.

How can you fault this blunt, pragmatic, logic?

When asked in July if his side could ever be a major force in Asia he said, simply, no.

"We can do something in the Southeast Asian region and sometimes in the Asian region but generally we can't have success because we are too small," he said. "You saw this, their players are 1.85m (Iraqis) and ours are 1.70m-something."

A team of wee men -- you know like Maradona, Carlos Tevez... em, Terry Phelan ...

Your best Wee-Men Football XI on a postcard.




Wednesday, December 12, 2007

Named and shamed
These two poor French backpackers travelling in Thailand not only got mugged and robbed by a pack of thieving trannies in Bangkok after agreeing to a bit of horseplay back in their hotel room but the Nation went to the trouble of publishing their names for added embarrassment.

"Oh merde," I imagine one of them might have said to the other this morning.



STOP THE PRESS!

The CAMA party this Saturday has been forced to change locations -- the party will be held at same venue where CAMA threw their last MONSTER party with Stylish Nonsense et al.

For those who weren't there... S'il Vous plait.



The CAMA team asked us to tell you to tell your friends and your friends' friends about the change in venue.

Tuesday, December 11, 2007

* Did I mention Minsk FC beat runaway league leaders Bac A Bank with a late winner the other day? A day for the underdogs indeed.

Never seen such handsome underdogs in all my years as a taxi driver.



Christmas cheer

* The great bout of diarrhea is over. Get back to eating your vegetables.

* Why you should support the highly successful but under supported Vietnamese women's football team and not the men's team at the SEA games.

* Don't forget Saturday is for dancing and CAMA have organised you and your friends a party. Come early and don't drive if you're on the lash.

*
I discovered Vietnam News' golf column today and I'll be looking out for it in future. Here's his classy opening gambit -- "Brown greens [in winter] are not something that I enjoy, but I do enjoy ladies dressed to the nines in their winter clothes though, so there is a nice balance. There’s something about a good looking lady in high leather boots which I have always enjoyed..."

He gets back to talking about golf at some stage, but before that he also talks about the Horison Hotel's Christmas decorations which have pictures of an "elf with an axe, [...] smoking a crack pipe, [...] drinking beer and..." his favourite ..."one with his pants down and what appears to be his "Shmeckel" (that’s Yiddish, look it up for yourself) hanging out..." then later on he closes with these lines: "...the courses get a bit quieter between Christmas and New Year, thus, I can get in a few rounds as well. Hey, I need to relax too! But with my luck, I’ll get a caddie who resembles one of the Horison’s elves..."

As a blogger might write nowadays -- "WTF?" *

* That stands for "what the flibberty-jibbet" I think...








Sunday, December 09, 2007

Enter the Dragon

While people might have been complaining about the price of cabbage and what have you in Vietnam of late (certainly not me mind you), spare a thought for the Plain People of Ireland who in search of a nice, plump Dragon Fruit to have after their lunch come face to face with this staggering price -- €3 for one sole Dragon Fruit, as spotted by Teddy de Burca Snr. while strolling through the Dublin suburbs.




I suppose if something gets transported half way across its universe, it has every right to inflate its own price by 30 or 35 times. Like that other spiky fruit David Beckham...

Anyway much delighted I am to discover the Dragon Fruit's worth in the homeland -- there was me worrying myself sick over what to bring home for Christmas: A kilo of Dragon Fruit it is, otherwise known as
"Pitahaya, Strawberry Pear, Cactus fruit, Night blooming Cereus, Belle of the Night and the Cinderella plant..."

If you're off to England, you can do likewise, as after my three seconds of research, I note that its £1.79 per fruit in Tesco's.

For best effects, serve chilled.


Wednesday, December 05, 2007

*As Derek Zoolander will tell you, it's hard being really, really, ridiculously good looking... and poor auld male models in Vietnam are peeved because they don't get as much cash as the chicks: "male models struggle to make ends meet in an under developed industry plagued by gender bias..." or so says this article in Thanh Nien, sublimely titled: The Adonis Dilemma.
"
Binh Minh said, “In most shows, we only function as a foil for the girls. We can't change our status. Yet, we still remain on the catwalk due to our love and dedication for the art of fashion..." while the reporter ponders... "how long it will be before Vietnam invests sufficiently to address the industry's gender compensation gap and wholeheartedly promote its local Adonises to the world."
Sometimes it is hard to be a man. As well as really, really, ridiculously good looking. But I'm sure a few Orange Mocha Frappuchini will cheer them up.

* The Minsk Club's famous victory over the Drink team is reviewed with no bias whatsoever by that outrageously handsome midfielder Richard 'the Boy' Rastall. Could have been a model if it weren't for his love of nature, a pint of bitter and a pack of tabs...
Money, money, money...

*
At Pittstop HQ we're not obsessed with money, really -- everyone else just won't stop talking about it. The price of cabbage has gone up along with everything else... and I need a raise, along with everyone else.

...yeah, yeah, "Vietnam's so hot right now" but its beginning to be a right pain in the arse for a lot of people and I might be one of them. Oh for the days of impecunity, obscurity and dial up internet...

* Pittstop's Powerful imagery of the day award goes to the VNews' article on seven-year-olds with 4kg bags : "If the current pressure cooker stays in place, and the nation’s children never learn to play, I fear this generation will grow up to become neurotic, uncreative robots. What’s more, these robots may be afflicted with the health woes that come with years of physical inactivity." Read on if you want...




Monday, December 03, 2007

Whoop-jug I love thee!

* CAMA party on the horizon: Last CAMA party of the year on December 15th with djs, bands and the usual level of tomfoolery. More info on the where and the who.

* 24 hours to do Hanoi: If you could spend 24 hours in Hanoi -- as a guest -- would you take the Financial Times' advice on what to do? The FT boys go bananas and get up at 6am, have coffee in a cafe which doesn't exist anymore, head off for a quick museum fix, spend six hours in the Old Quarter and then eat some fancy French food... next stop -- Shanghai!

* Nuoc mam: How shall I count the ways I love thee?

*
Minsk FC: Hanoi's handsomest team, Minsk FC finally got back to winning ways against Hanoi's most French team, after Sub-Gaffer Brian Lalor and Perma-Gaffer Johnny Symons sent out a rallying cry for 'players to show some more passion'. Final score 2- 0 with goals from much criticised and out of form strikers La Tete and Uncle Cooper. No pics or review yet.

* Did you know... "The number of abortions has declined in Ho Chi Minh City, but the large Asian city still sees more abortions there than live births." Read on.

* Simile of the week: "Vietnam seems on the boil, like the pots at the ubiquitous pho stands." Bravo!

* Documentaries: I heard it on the Grapevine that there's a festival of documentaries from today until December 15th in Hanoi.