Beep-beep beep-beep - yeah!

To beep or not to beep, that is the question. Personally, I beep at young couples with babies squashed in between their bodies, because if we crashed I'd probably be held responsible for the baby's injuries, even though it wouldn't have been my idea for them to take their baby out for a devil-may-care spin on a motorbike. I also beep at enormous articulated lorries even though I know it's utterly pointless. Old men beep when no one's in front of them, just in case someone might suddenly pop out of the asphalt, perhaps. Better safe than sorry. My next door neighbour beeps rather than press her doorbell; her dutiful country cousin-maid scuttles out to open the gate. Why my neighbour hasn't got a key or, if she has, why she refuses to use it herself is anyone's guess. The buses that barrel down the roads beep indiscriminately at anything that moves, flinches, breathes, exists – as long as it's in their way – even though we were here first. Sometimes I wonder do they beep at other buses. Middle aged dads teach their kids perched in between their thighs how to make the bike go beep; a valuable lesson for the future. The young teenagers with bony limbs, spiky hair and dressed in football shirts beep with extra loud horns they've installed to scare the bejesus out of anyone in front of them. It is highly effective but should be punishable by enforced exile to Mu Cang Chai*. Young corporate women beep outside bakeries while shouting "em oi!" A hot banh bao or bread roll is then delivered to them all of five feet away on the street (time is money). Everyone beeps when the lights turn green, a few people even beep when the lights are red. My friend from New Zealand beeps with orange plugs rammed in his ears – if you can't beat them, join them (or beep back) is his philosophy. Everyone beeps at once when Vietnam wins a football game. Cars and vans flash their lights while they beep, sort of a double reminder to make sure you notice that they're driving on your side of the road at high speed. Sometimes people beep accidentally - oops! Some folk don't even realise they're beeping - huh? Some people beep because someone else is beeping at them - grr! No one knows who's the last person to beep at night. No one knows if there's a sound when a motorbike beeps in the middle of a forest with no one around or how many hearts beep per minute on any given day in Hanoi. But I do know that every morning a motorbike passing my house beeps before my alarm clock does and afterwards, too; certainly handy for making sure I don't sleep in, as well as serving as a reminder that there's no point dreaming of a day without a beep.

By Teddy de Burca Jnr.


* Mu Cang Chai is a Vietnamese friend's joke term for the back of beyond

Guess these famous beepers, click on the link to get your answer 
1 - Heh, I'm doin' my thing while you're playin wit ya [*BEEP*])
2 - The original uncatchable Beep-beep
3 - The title of this blog comes from these rather famous beepers