Head, shoulders, knees and toes - sing it!

Yorkie Pittstop first discovered the joy of healing hands the morning after a late night and he’s been bouncing out of bed ever since

If a man says he’s off to get a “goi dau” (literally shampoo head) or even a “mat xa chan” (foot massage), it’s often met with a seedy chuckle due to a sordid connotation, which I’ll leave to your respective imaginations to conjure up.

But getting a facial or a foot massage – two things I never did before coming to Vietnam – are routine habits of mine, and for good reason. When you’re down and out. Frazzled. Hung over. Hot. Flustered. Stressed. If you’re sick of the traffic and you need to escape the streets. Or just in the mood to spoil yourself. You are in a city – whether it’s Hanoi or Ho Chi Minh City – surrounded by foot massage parlours and hair salons offering cheap and cheerful services.

From the hole in the wall, head in a half a plastic bucket to the fancy AC salons downtown, places to get a hair wash are everywhere. You can spend as little as VND20,000 or as much as $20. You can even go for a double whammy – sing it with me “Head, shoulders, knees and toes” – a head massage followed by a foot massage.

The first time I did so it was after a particularly savage night on the town for a gentlemen friend’s stag night (please no seedy chuckles if I say we went to karaoke). The next morning I felt someone had hacked into my brain with a blunt instrument. After showering I struggled around to a reasonably swanky downtown establishment on the edge of the Old Quarter.

Normally I just went to a local cat toc (hairdresser) where a hair wash and face massage is perfunctory but pleasant. But in the swanky salon the process was positively Biblical. It was a near out of body experience. The price (not including tip) a mere VND50,000.

Then for the feet, on Le Duan, just off Dien Bien Phu street, a long time expat favourite is the enormous foot massage parlour, opposite Cao Ba Quat street.

Most places seem to follow the same formula.Your feet are dunked as they go over the shoulders, before taking on your knees, calves and of course your dinky little toes.

Your only problem might be a couple of lads come in and start puffing away on cigarettes, ask for the TV to be turned on and start shouting and roaring down their mobile phones. So ask for “mot cho yen tinh” (a quiet spot). And the price? Once again a positively paltry VND50,000. (Though, again, an extra tip is the norm).

The masseuse may not have studied for seven years on a mountaintop in Tibet, but my experiences have all been of a good, consistent standard, and as long as it helps my liver, or at least alleviates my hangover, I’ll keep going back.

So the next time you roll out of the wrong side of bed, be aware that this city is full of answers more healthy than a Codeine tablet or a hair of the dog. You’ll be singing “Head, shoulders, knees and toes” all the way home.