PITTSTOP WORKS

2008-07-07T10:07:00.005+07:00

And when he put it on, everyone laughed because it was a comical hat…

Pittstop Works is now defunct, finished, het roi, so let the heralds announce that Hanoi's most whimsical blog is dead, long live Hanoi's most whimsical blog -- the Comical Hat.

Just got it up and running so 'scuse the teething problems, initial clumsiness, crappy design, et cetera.

To our twelve loyal readers who have stuck with Pittstop Works since founder Yorkie Pittstop first wrote some really bad stories in 2003 -- those were the days, oh my sweets, how we thought that summer would last forever... -- thanks for your sporadic yet kind words of encouragement. It kept us going through many a dark and desperate winter night when we smelt of mildew and thought nobody loved us except our landlord on rent day.

Drop your condolences, comments and thoughts over at the Comical Hat. Do not return here. There is nothing to see. The credits have rolled, the curtain has come down, you, me and everyone we know have left the building.

Go n-éirí an bóthar leat! Lên đường may mắn!

2008-04-27T14:24:00.004+07:00

Pittstop's sabbatical

Due to the intense pressures of maintaining its position as Hanoi's 170,451st most popular blogspot, every one here at Pittstop Works HQ is having a wee rest and staying clear from the blogosphere for a month or so.

Sign up for that reader thingymajig in the top right to make sure you receive notification of when we get back in the saddle of the Pittstop blogmobile, sometime in early June, or late May if you're lucky, and blow your minds through the summer of 2008.

Anyway, at this stage we think you've all figured out how to read Than Nien online and the Snooze in the flesh and laugh at your own conclusions so, perhaps, our work is done here. Or perhaps you've also had enough of this time-consuming and fruitless life online and this sabbatical will help you find the courage to turn off the internet tap and feast your eyes on the world outside your house.

In a way all of us have an El Gaupo to face some day...

[Clippety-clop sounds as man rides horse into a sunset without looking back....]

2008-04-16T10:36:00.005+07:00

Wondering where the Vietnamese wonders went?
Just when we thought we had the dubious natural wonders campaign all sown up, with the top three spots secured and Mount Everest, Mount Fuji and Niagara Falls eating our proverbial dust, all of sudden Halong Bay, Fansipan and Phong Nha caves get bounced out...

Is the reason a) "According to NewOpenWorld, the organiser of the new world natural wonder selection, Vietnam’s Phong Nha-Ke Bang and Fansipan Mountain were rejected from the selection list because of lack of official support committees." ... Or is it b) VietNamNet Bridge – NewOpenWorld on April 14 temporarily removed Ha Long Bay from its nomination list of new world natural wonders, said Ngo Hung, Head of the Ha Long Bay Management Board. The reason, according to Hung, is some Vietnamese websites have pirated New7wonders’ logo, photos and contents of NewOpenWorld’s website. c) none of the above and a conspiracy theory of your choice?

Alas now even the Hansel and Gretel-esquely-named Chocolate Hills of Philippines have made the top seven.

(1)

Cox's Bazar, Beach

BANGLADESH - Asia

Vote

(2)

Ganges, River

BANGLADESH/ INDIA - Asia

Vote

(3)

Amazon River, River/Forest

BOLIVIA/ BRAZIL/ COLOMBIA/ ECUADOR/ PERU/ VENEZUELA - South America

Vote

(4)

Mount Everest, Mountain

NEPAL - Asia

Vote

(5)

Cocos Island, Island

COSTA RICA - North America

(6)

JAPAN - Asia

(7)

PHILIPPINES - Asia

2008-04-15T16:02:00.005+07:00

Stuff you people might or might not like...

* There's a website called Stuff White People Like I clicked on via Upstairsforthinking written by white Americans (Update: the founder is Canadian I'm told) for white Americans who like to be ultra-ironic and self aware 'cos it's cool to know you're trying to be cool when you know really you're not that cool by listening to for example Mos Def, watching Wes Anderson films or eating Sushi or most ironically... being ironic!

Judging by the latest post on rugby with over 1,000 comments it's incredibly popular and is rumoured to have had over 7 million hits this year... so no surprises perhaps that someone has copycatted the idea with Stuff Asian People Like which really isn't funny at all and most of the time doesn't get its own concept quite right: "It’s safe to say Asians have divided opinions regarding Lucy Liu..."

Maybe it should be called Stuff Asian people have divided opinions on...

Apparently there's also a Stuff Black People Like so in no time we're sure to have the whole spectrum with Stuff Paddys Like (Post one: the Craic!), Stuff Phaps Like (Post one: Wearing a scarf even if its 30 degrees!), Stuff Aussies like (Post one: Pom bashing!)...

2008-04-15T10:10:00.004+07:00

Bits and pieces

* It's a Happy birthday to the Hung kings who according to legend founded the first kingdom of Vietnam some 3,000 years ago today. I'm celebrating by riding around on a buffalo for the day.

* Heavens to Murgatroyd... what are they feeding these poor mothers?

"A 6.6-kg boy was delivered after a difficult caesarean section, said a doctor at the Ha Noi Obstetrics Hospital on Thursday."

* Putting a plug in it... (the shits that is).

"The local Department of Health on April 13 decided to close several restaurants in the two districts of Hoan Kiem and Hai Ba Trung which don’t meet standards on food hygiene and safety.

* The Olympic torch is coming to Ho Chi Minh City...

"Vietnam also rarely tolerates street protests, and officials have pledged a trouble-free leg in Ho Chi Minh City."

* Decoding Pham Xuan An... -- the life and times of Vietnam's celebrated secret agent Part I. The following articles in the series are on the right of the linked page.

2008-04-12T17:01:00.002+07:00

Luxuriate me!

"The reason why Asians buy so many luxury brands is that in Asia you are what you wear. A luxury brand is a symbol that defines who you are and your social status." -- Timeout

"In a country whose peasant army once marched on flip-flops cut from old tires, Gucci beach sandals priced at $365 can come as a shock." -- LA Times

Yup, luxury brands are sooooo hot right now.

Also...

ASiaLife from HCM City is back on a coffee table somewhere near you in Sunny-Side up Saigon. Not to be confused with the Word which looks exactly like the old AsiaLife did and emerged after some bust up apparently led to a former AsiaLife employee doing a Robbie Williams and flying solo.

Seems a bit sketchy looking online for the time being. Posted the Minsk Olympics party info four days after the event happened and there's a piece on Hanoi's five newest places, one of which isn't open and it also mentions Mao's red lounge which may be a local favourite but it sure ain't new.

2008-04-11T19:59:00.003+07:00

Any Arena
Here's a new-ish and fairly slick looking website called Any Arena with mostly Southern based content and an emphasis on glamorous events it seems, you know like, fashion, art and um... boozing like Billio in Sunny-Side-up-Saigon or as in the case below in Mui Ne at a party organised by the JetLag posse.

2008-04-11T17:36:00.006+07:00

Haircut numero uno

For those of you wondering who the winner in the category of best haircut at the Minsk Music Festival was... voila! As sported by Monsieur Arnaud from Polemic Pravda.

2008-04-11T10:52:00.003+07:00

Go on Minsk!

Hanoi's handsomest rogues in football shirts, Minsk FC as seen recently on VTV4 at the Stadium of Astro-turf featuring interviews with the Gaffer, Dan Daiquiri and the Huy Man:

2008-04-10T13:21:00.002+07:00

Videos of Minsk music festival
Here's a few videos of everyone's favourite Japanese instrumentalists Both Cheese and My Favourite Uncle at the Minsk Music bash the other day... more videos uploaded by Birdy2bad at that link. (With bonus extra and exclusive footage of the Badger)

2008-04-09T11:05:00.005+07:00

More on the Minsk 10th anniversary party

More photos of the Minsk Music festival here by Loominpapa. Clearly a fan of Both Cheese and Ngu Cung. And a few over here at the doctor's clinic and a collage of portraits of some fine people on the big day over at Monsieur Wainwright's photo blog.

Funnily enough the President of Belarus was in town, too, at the start of the week and has now returned to the land of the Minsk. He last visited Vietnam ... 10 years ago.

Coincidence? I DON'T THINK SO! No doubt he was there, incognito as it were.

Also via Mr. JAW's blog we checked out Jezebel.com's thoughts and scanned pics of a Marie Claire photo shoot in Halong Bay under the cringe-worthy title Vietnam Photo shoot: Apocalypse Wow.

Check it out if only for Jezebel's comments and captions... such as:
"The photographs, by Richard Mazzucco, are absolutely gorgeous, but just a wee bit somber. Well, it is Vietnam, right?

Someone's got her eye on that bicycle, because someone's shoes hurt so bad she needs to sit down. Also, someone wishes this shoot were on the beach in Thailand instead."

2008-04-07T14:07:00.003+07:00

Minsk Party

Well done to all the fine people who had the good sense NOT to miss the best party ever in Hanoi on Saturday last. It was an incredible day of music and hi-jinx that will deservedly go down in history.

I'm also sure somebody somewhere has a thought or a comment on the day that was. I'd be interested in what it was so comment away why don't you.

There's some photos of the bands here taken by Aidan B. Dockery with the likes of fuzzy-haired Jun (below) from Stylish Nonsense on stage. He was runner up in the best-hair-do category on the day. I'll post more photos + reviews as I get them.

2008-04-03T14:13:00.006+07:00

A gentle reminder...

Happenings on the Blogosphere

Ah the blogosphgere, or Planet Blog, or the realm of Blogdom, or whatever you want to call it. Isn't it just frightening how it takes over your life and turns you into a square eyed nerd. Sad thing is more and more people want to join everyday...

Take Monsieur JAW for example -- he's just set up a Vietnam based photo-blog there so keep your eyes on that one. In the meantime you can check out his photos of the Ho Chi Minh Trail in Laos.

Then there's Mr. Brian Jeffrey Fabian III, ex-Hanoian, one quarter Panamanian, who's now living it up in San Fran and under the delusion that he can get fit enough to run the SF marathon. He will be chronicling his slow realisation that tacos, absinthe and brews won't help his race for fitness over at this blog.

Personally I don't think he can even keep his blog going for that long.

A disturbing shot of a deer's head

Don't click on this link if you like Bambi or don't like to see decapitated heads of animals hanging off a clothes line. Via those oh-so-sadistic food lovers at Sticky Rice.

Save us from this misery satellite...

This is ground control to Major Tuan, the plain people of the countryside can't get good reception for the Manchester united games on Saturday or a decent enough internet connection to set up a blog...
"Viet Nam will launch the national satellite VINASAT-1 on the morning of April 12 at a cost of more than US$200 million, bringing countless benefits to farmers and other Vietnamese living in remote and isolated areas." via the SNooze.

Headline of the morning

Cannae find the online version but the morning's Than Nien printed daily's bauld headline read: SPERM SHORTAGE. Certainly got my attention. In case you're interested you have to be between 18-45, have completed the 9th grade and have healthy mobile sperm. VND150,00 a pop apparently.

You might remember...

You might remember the picture of the man with the silly inflatable hat that I posted (see below)... well now that Bertie has resigned as Taoiseach of Ireland due to the "controversy over his private financial affairs", it appears that that man, the bauld Brian Cowen, will indeed be the man on top.

2008-03-28T22:42:00.003+07:00

Dog's dinner

"Dogs are either for eating or guarding the house," Law said. "Walking my dog is like someone walking their chicken."

When Daniel Rocher's cat Yin Yang had both back legs broken, the first vet wrapped the bleeding limbs in newspaper. The second vet bound the legs with wire; they then became infected. "The third one came and said the only solution is to cut the legs and make small wheels," said Rocher, a Frenchman who has worked in Vietnam as a marketing consultant for more than a decade. "I was horrified and he said, 'Don't worry,' it will be a cheap price.' "

"I [am] ashamed that in a country where people earn $50 a month, I paid $2,000 for this cat."

The International Herald Tribune on expats and their pets in Hanoi. The last bit about young people not eating dogs might just be a result of the guy being interviewed not realising Vietnamese "often downplay the popularity of thit cho" which the article points out right at the start of the article. Like... duh!

Even if one million 18-25 years olds wouldn't eat dog there's another million who would. And that, my friends, is a lot of dog...

2008-03-26T11:59:00.007+07:00

The price of petrol

Will Teddy de Burca jnr’s one man boycotts leave him stranded or will the petrol stations finally crumble and apologise?

I’m running out of petrol. I’m also running out of petrol stations. You see I have a few boycotts simultaneously running across town. You can feel free to join me, but I’m fairly confident that my one-man-snub will have the necessary repercussions.

Soon, and perhaps that means years from now, if we are looking at this from a 21^st century perspective, the owners of petrol stations on Kim Ma, Hoang Hoa Tham, the other one past the ILu Building on the Dike road, and about seven others around town, hither and thither, will be reeling under the weight of my economic sanctions and be on their knees begging for me to lift the embargo and come back to trade at their rusty old pumps.

You see each of them owes me either a small sum of money or a certain amount of petrol – I’ll accept either, taking current inflated levels into account, along with a heartfelt apology from the masked bandits, who duped me in broad daylight.

Perhaps you might argue it's poetic justice for owning a two-stroke motorbike with a ludicrously large petrol tank which I treated like a bottomless well, but here’s the trick I continually fell for: I roll into the petrol station and the pump attendant starts pumping away (yes, yes innuendo...) with carefree abandon having accidentally forgotten on purpose to swipe the previous customers’ total. Even if I suspected they did it, it was hard to prove with no petrol gauge. I’d lean over and stare inside, but all I’d hear was the sound of the sea.

This quick, sharp cheat can make the little purloiner anything from VND5,000 to VND30,000. So lord knows how much those witches on Tong Dan/ Hang Tre took me for back in the day when I used to drive a two-wheeled tractor called an MZ which had a petrol tank that could have doubled as an ocean liner and ferried oil back and forth from the deep blue yonder.

And to think I kept coming back as I thought they loved me. I used to sing to them while they cooed sweet compliments in my ear to distract me, “Anh dep trai”, “Anh cao the!”, “Anh-this-that-the-other-the!”

I benignly believed they were filling my tank up as much as I’d asked and was continually stumped – yes, I’m slow out of the blocks – to discover myself running out of petrol 24 hours after putting umpteen gallons inside the blasted bike.

The day I finally copped on and caught them they just shrugged their shoulders and left me to spit and spew in the 40 degree heat. But at least I had cottoned on to the con. Not that I probably haven‘t fallen for it since.

Most recently the little dumpling of a woman at the petrol station closest to my office betrayed me. My suspicions became aroused when she started rubbing my arms and telling me, “Oi gioi oi! Dep the! Dep the!” Jarringly sweet words for a petrol station I now know – En garde diminutive woman!

Sadly for her and her ilk now I’m armed with a petrol gauge so I’m nabbing the cheeky little so-and-sos all over town. But you see that’s part of the problem, I’m running out of petrol stations and now I’m running out of petrol.

2008-03-24T13:43:00.003+07:00

Tsunami Warning
What do you do when you see a Tsunami in Vung Tau? Please make your way calmly down Nguyen Chi Thanh street of course!

Via The Final Word.

Economy overboiling
What do you do when the economy overboils? Answers on an eCard please folks.

Savour Asia
FYI: Here's a new smart looking website with a guide to Hanoi, as well as other regional cities, called Savour Asia with lots of simple, practical advice for folk coming to Hanoi. If you're wondering what to do with your friends or random friends of friends' friends who turn up at your door demanding to be entertained, print out the 72 hours in Hanoi section (24 hour and 48 hour options also available) and tell them you'll see them in the pub in 73 hours time.

Note to self
Remember why you should be in Hanoi on April 5...

2008-03-20T13:18:00.003+07:00

* Pho real?

Can the pho at Pho 24 really, truly, honestly be the best in the land of pho? Can southern pho really, truly honestly be better than the pho up here the way mama Bear makes it at 4am on a random street of your choice somewhere between a bar stool and the pillow on your bed?

No expert am I -- especially as I haven't eaten in PHO24. Nor have I eaten pho in TPHCM so wouldn't know about the pho down south being 'way better' but it certainly winds up the inner-plastic-patriot in me enough to set up the Interprovincial Pho Challenge.

Boys, prepare my wagon -- unwind the giant ball of pho, fatten the calf, slaughter the chickens, boil the stock, hire some diminutive staff for an absolute pittance, buy some oh-so-wee plastic stools, warm up the Bia Ha Noi and pick out our least mouldy chopsticks. We're going on a road trip and we're not coming back until everyone admits our pho is the bees-knees.

* This is how we roll in Ha Noi...

Local Ong Tay hip-hop celeb D*Rough*T (Yeah, you know me! My name is D*Rough*T!) rolled down Ly Thuong Kiet last night looking for 'dem ladies with a new set of wheels before splashing some big C-notes out at the bia tuoi on lashings of Cha ca and ... um... bia tuoi.

2008-03-19T10:24:00.005+07:00

* Paragraph of the month

From this month's VN Economic news: "The experts have said that when more is spent on imports than earned on exports one can say that inefficiency is present. Experts said that. And this is why this should not be allowed to happen. The Ministry of Industry and Trade has asked its experts to find a way to fix this trade deficit problem. In reply, the experts said that they need to have a long-term state-level research project funded."

As spotted by CLUB CAMA's expert economic research department.

* If you could bottle the craic....

That's the Irish Tanaiste (DPM) there in Hanoi for St. Patrick's Day with a hat on his head that says -- "look-at-me-I'm-Irish-and-I'm -having-the-craic!"

Those two men in dashing silk t-shirts smiles' say "look at us we just crashed this embassy do and stuck a silly hat on the Tanaiste's head -- wahey!"

* 'Emission impossible'

Get ready, Thanh Nien is about to spoil your day: "With the number of pollutant-emitting vehicles approaching 4 million in HCMC, and volumes increasing daily in Vietnam’s cities, you can be sure that you’ll need more than a thin piece of fabric to improve your long-term health prospects here."

* Would the owner of registration....

If the fella who owns this car also reads Thanh Nien he might be smart enough to change the colour of his licence plates...

"The Ho Chi Minh City People’s Committee has denied ownership of a US$126,000 Mercedes seen driving around the city with government plates recently. City officials Tuesday denied the rumor that the municipal administration owned the Mercedes CLS500, estimated to cost at least VND2 billion. The rumor spread because the car, spotted driving around District 1 by several residents, carries blue government license plates.Under government regulations, official cars provided to HCMC officials must cost no more than VND800 million ($50,400), including taxes..."

* Hair today

The police stopped

200 wee rascals (tieng viet only) driving without their helmets from March 15 to March 16 in HN. Meanwhile 10,000 people still wear helmets without straps and back to front in a fashion that says, "Hey, look at me! I'm having the craic driving this motorbike with my helmet on the wrong way around -- wahey!"

* New airlines...

I'm not sure if Air Speed Up is a name that will inspire confidence in an airline for nervous fliers...

"Vietnam is expected to license its second private airlines named Air Speed Up this month, and a third one called Phu Quoc Air in the next few months..."

2008-03-14T12:37:00.002+07:00

* Surprise, surprise, banks want more of your money!

We don't often link ye lucky punters up to the bees-knees section but what an opening gambit here at the Guardian -- it's just effortlessly reeled us in: "A kilogram of gold, a Mercedes Benz and a laptop computer are just some of the prizes offered by Vietnam's fledgling banks to woo customers as they feel the squeeze of tighter monetary policy. "

Where do we sign up!?

* 15 seconds of fame/ film

I thought writing 5 0 word short stories was silly enough fun, but check out this marvelous 15-second film from the 15 second film festival now coming nowhere near Hanoi some time soon. You can watch a string of them on line -- a few hits, a few misses, but still, cool idea.

Day and Night on Essex street

2008-03-12T09:40:00.004+07:00

* Sweet Jesus!

You're clearly just taking the mickey over at the SNooze misspelling poor Bertie's name for a second time in three days. Yes, our poor auld Taoiseach was referred to as Berti Adhern AGAIN! Oh how you cut to the core of a man you little ragamuffins...

The article goes on to also say the Vietnamese PM visited the Irish House of Lords and House of Commons, which don't really exist in Ireland due to a rather large lack of lords and as for commons, well, we're all out of them too, since the Celtic Tiger turned all land into Super-Expensive plots of land that no one can technically afford. I'm just surprised the Vietnamese PM didn't also pop over to take tea and elevenses with the Irish Queen Mary McAleese in O'Buckingham Palace.

* Headline of the morning...

Buying drugs as easy as [buying?] vegetables: “We have all kinds of drugs. It is good to have [a?] doctor’s prescription but if patients don’t have [one?], we still sell them the drugs they need. No problem,” said the owner of a drugstore on Trang Thi Street."

Statements like that could create a whole new tourism industry.

* Controversial statement of the year

Vietnamese models wear out ao dai? C'est pas possible! As spotted by my man JAW.

2008-03-11T11:58:00.005+07:00

* That's like soooo Saigon

Ye Hanoi based folk probably know of the New Hanoian website (the community produced expat guide) and now TPHCM-based people can start to write up every restaurant, cafe, bar and gin-joint in the south with the recently launched So Saigon -- exactly the same format, you go somewhere, you like it, or don't like it, or wanna say it's bình thường thôi, then you simply sign up and review it. The site's just started and needs all the reviews it can get it's digital-hands on to get going.

And sure isn't it all happening down there in Sunny Saigon? It reminds us of Manhattan in the 80s when we Pittstop staffers were all living on Wall street making tonnes of cash and spending it all like Billio.

Those were the days. Still have the suit with shoulder pads to prove it all happened.

2008-03-10T14:06:00.007+07:00

Here at Pittstop HQ we read the
local papers so you don't have to!

* Drunk with a monk

Here's a strange tale from a local daily about a Gia Lai land official who went to a pagoda after being on the lash with a mate and convinced/ forced the pagoda's monks to join in the fun. He forced the impressionable or perhaps defenseless Buddhists to smoke a few cigarettes and quaff beer with him but rather than this leading to a sense of jovial camaraderie and high spirits, things turned ugly when the official started to lecture the monks on land use rights (hot topic these days don't you know) then chinned a young monk who tried to lead him in the direction of home. The old sot then asked to be forgiven before persuading everyone to go sing karaoke with him. He is probably feeling a wee bit silly after being suspended from ... 'officialdom' so he is now merely a hard-drinking rabble rousing non-official these days.

"Thuan, I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you to hand in your whistle," said the town's head to the disgraced official.

Pittstop recommended reading rating:

* The town that has no doors
This town in Ca Mau province has no doors and is also home to rather erudite and eloquent xe om drivers: “It’s one of the most unusual places I’ve ever lived in,” said Nam Deo, a local xe om driver.“I can guarantee that anyone who came here would be in total surprise. People leave their stuff unguarded as if they were children’s toys. It’s somewhat like the perfect society Karl Marx once referred to – prosperous with possessions but without greed.”

PRRR:

* Barbers set for the chop?

Streetside barbers' days are numbered in Hanoi, so go get your ears cleaned out one last time on the Dyke Road sometime soon.

PRRR:

2008-03-10T10:11:00.003+07:00

* Typo of the morning
Not one to talk about typos, we admit, but the Irish heart of Pittstop Works took a blow at the sight of Ireland's Taoiseach Bertie Ahern being referred to as Berti Adhern in Vietnam News this morning. Bertie was hanging out with the Vietnamese PM in Dublin and showing him some 'cultural sites' which could be a kind of euphemism for going on a pub crawl down Baggot street -- Pinting like two UCD agriculture students on a Thursday night in the direction of Copperface Jacks in the days of yore.

Caption: Our Bertie having a nice of cup of tea before setting off to face another day of worrying about whether or not Ryan Giggs has another year left in him with Man Utd

Rumours are a pint of Guinness was downed, somewhere, though our Bertie is actually a Bass man. Famously he told Hot press magazine back in 1986BC he could drink a gallon of the stuff and walk in a straight line when asked about being stopped for a breathalyser test by the cops.

* Drinking in Vietnam

Finally an article tourists will find useful before coming to Vietnam in the travel section of New York Times: One on booze.

"Many people go to Vietnam for the food, for the beaches, for the history. My wife and I went there to drink," writes honest-to-goodness Neil Samson Katz.

As ruou gets a mention, one of Pittstop's HQ away from HQ Highway4 is unsurprisingly in there. There's an accompanying video in which Professor Markus Madeja of Highway4 sings the praises of local men with cash who like to drink, has a pop at French fry eating foreigners, smokes a Thuoc Lao and necks a few shots of Apricot and Ming Mang ruou.

"An apricot liqueur was pleasantly tart with a touch of sweet and a light floral scent. An herbal variety blends more than 20 roots and purports to be a recipe stolen from Emperor Minh Mang’s cellar in Hue. (Mang, a 19th-century monarch who enraged Europe by booting out Christian missionaries, mythically had a 500-woman harem and likely needed a tonic or two to sire his more than 100 children.)"

You can check out his blog (not much on Vietnam there yet) or his flickr photos from the trip.

* Golfing in Vietnam

Katz's colleague from the NY Times also went with his wife to Vietnam, though he was more interested in sinking putts than shots of liquor.

"It felt a little odd, even a touch irreverent, swinging a Callaway driver in the land of “Apocalypse Now,” Khe Sahn (typo!) and Ho Chi Minh. And yet there I stood on a carpet of manicured grass outside Hanoi, looking toward a small flag in the distance."

{...}

"Mr. Puchalski acknowledged that betting was a common problem. He said he did his best to discourage it, and that it was just one of many things he has had to impart to first-time students of the game. Other unofficial lessons have included: why you shouldn’t laugh when someone slices into the rough; the value of silence while putting; and the nature of tipping."

2008-03-05T13:31:00.006+07:00

* The Italian Job

From the Guardian's gallery... For those who don't know he's the Irish national football team's new Italian manager and for those who don't care, well you've already started reading the post below...

* Mr. Moneybags
We were inundated with emails at Pittstop HQ a few weeks ago when we suggested a Vietnamese consortium had plans to buy into Arsenal Football Club and replace meat pies with banh mi pate. As if, some of you scoffed Poppycock, said others. Yeah right, snapped the cynics amongst you. Most of you were probably right to think it will never happen, but just for the record, we can confirm that the main man behind the would-be investment into England’s premier League, a Mr. Duc from Hoang Anh company, was said to be worth up to $1 billion last month thanks to owning over 65 million shares in his own company which hit the big time thanks to Vietnam’s property boom. The bad news for “Boss Duc”, who is also the chairman of Hoang Anh Gia Lai Football Team, is now that the property market has slipped into a frosty spell his pile of shares have lost value and he’s said to be worth a mere $875 million – oh woe is him – but, perhaps, we could still interest him in the slightly less fashionable but still accessible by London’s Underground, West Ham or Charlton football clubs instead?

* Who shall be ... the one?
Despite the high tariffs and special consumption tax rates upwardly mobile Vietnamese millionaires have been buying Hummers, Lamborghinis, Rolls Royces and Bentleys, but who shall be the first dong-zillionaire to step up to the plate at the Canadian aircraft maker Bombadier’s showroom and fork out $14.5 million for a LearJet 60 XR? The deluxe business aircraft, which was officially unveiled at Noi Bai International Airport North of Hanoi this month, can fly for over five hours, which is enough time to get you from Hanoi to Australia should you feel the need for an impromptu barbie on the Gold Coast.

2008-03-03T21:42:00.006+07:00

Here at Pittstop HQ we read the local papers so you don't have to!

* Oliver Stone film stalls: Oliver Stone's attempts to make a Vietnam film as good as Hamburger Hill is turning into a lifelong saga. Now it seems Bruce 'pursed lips' Willis has thrown a spanner in the works of Stone's latest attempt Pinkville, which is based on events surrounding the My Lai Massacre: The filming of “Pinkville”, a movie concerning the 1968 My Lai massacre in Quang Ngai province directed by Oliver Stone, has halted due to a disagreement between Stone and lead actor Bruce Willis..."

My Hollywood contacts tell me Bruce Willis, a well known method actor who has recreated 1968 My Lai-style conditions in the back garden of his Malibu mansion to prepare himself for the role, insists that his character William R. Peers should purse his lips more often and throw in a few wry smiles at those ain't life a bitch but what are you going to about it-moments. Willis is also pushing for a scene where he's battled-scarred, bruised and bloodied, but just won't quit much to the chagrin of his evil nemesis, an East European with wicked and shady past and a penchant for surrounding himself with gormless expendable henchmen. Willis is also said to be concerned at the lack of a catchphrase for his character and proposing, "Xin chao for now soldier."

The other and slightly more 'real' reason the film isn't being made at the moment is because those Hollywood writers refuse to write and Oliver is a member of the Writer's Guild.

* Professional help: I find it hard to believe a lot of people are heading to a shrink in these fair waters but, hey, the SNooze says counselling is on the rise in Vietnam so who I am to disagree, but what's REALLY amazing is ...
Hong Anh graduated from the Psychological Faculty of [...] and now works as a telephone counsellor. "I’m paid VND100 for each minute I talk with my clients, so the longer they talk the better," she says.
VND100 a minute? Methinks Hong Anh won't be building her dream eight floor house overlooking her neighbour's seven floor house anytime soon.

The Pittstop Must-read-rating:

* Shhh! Phu Quoc is paradise: Phu Quoc is declared the best hidden beach in the world which of course is sort of likely to help destroy the very quality that's been rewarded.

The Pittstop Must-read-rating:

* All fighting waiting staff: Image of the day from a VNnews food review -- "The last time I went to Lan Chin it was late and the ten or so waiting staff had little to do so they amused themselves by fighting each other with a pile of chopsticks."

The Pittstop Must-read-rating:

* Born behind bars: These not-so-fortunate babies get to live in prison with their mums -- yes, that's right, it's not all tomfoolery around here you know. We love a hard-hitting exposé every now and then. If you prick us do we not bleed? If you tickle us do we not laugh? Eh? EH?!

The Pittstop Must-read-rating:

2008-03-01T16:30:00.004+07:00

* Our bleeding ears

Over the years you might have spotted the odd whingeing blog here at Pittstop HQ about the (H)annoying overuse of horns on the streets in this fair city and you might have even read our suggested solution but anyhoo the problem remains and yesterday the SNooze opened the floor to a few disgruntled expats and asked for their tuppence worth. I like one guy's idea of the pre-paid honk account, however impractical it might be, that's the kind of outside the box thinking we need around here!

* Water world Thanh Nien regrets to inform us that "Natural disasters are, naturally, unstoppable..." and thus, albeit indirectly, suggests why ye southern based folk might want to head down to the Russian market and invest in a nice, large pair of Wellington boots.

2008-02-28T14:57:00.006+07:00

* Sharapova spoof story backfires

In the world of tennis Maria Sharapova is one of the biggest super stars going and the Russian bombshell had everyone in a tizzy after a satirical story written by a major Vietnamese daily paper got mistaken for a true story and was subsequently picked up by the international press. A Vietnam-based online English language paper first translated the spoof story that the Australian Open Champion, who really was in Vietnam a while back, saw a bunch of local residents chasing mosquitoes with those buzzing and crackling plastic rackets near Bang Ky bridge in the south and after a mistranslation by her translator she mistakenly believed them to be passionate tennis fans who just couldn’t afford tennis balls. You know because playing with invisible tennis balls is like so much fun! The story continued that Maria was so moved by this tragic scene that she wrote to the Vietnamese tennis federation proposing to open a centre where impoverished tennis players could always find a ball with her name on it. Beautiful story but it turns out that Tuoi Tre ran it as a spoof article and doesn’t everyone feel pretty silly now?

* Hamsters nothing but trouble

The Year of the Rat has led to massive new fad for teenagers in Vietnam and China – keeping a hamster as a pet. This furry little critter is cheap, easily fed and cared for – even a fickle teenager could manage the responsibility! But there are growing fears that this mass movement will lead to an agricultural disaster and health problems for you, me and everyone we know – yes, even your super healthy tennis playing friends who go to yoga and pilates classes and swim 5km before eating a breakfast of muesli and fresh fruit will be defenseless against the bugs that come out of these rampant hamsters. You see droves of these oh-so adorable rodents are being smuggled in from China without quarantine and well, who knows where they’ve been. So if you see or know anyone with a hamster, tell them to put the little fur ball on the first train to Lao Cai and then place it on the other side of the border. We can only hope that we manage to get through to the Year of the Buffalo alive and well but sure then all the kids will want a large heifer for a pet and we'll all be knee deep in cut chau but at least that’ll be the last we hear of the hamsters for another Lunar zodiac cycle.

2008-02-28T11:07:00.000+07:00

minskclubvietnam@hotmail.com

2008-02-27T13:25:00.002+07:00

* By the power of UNESCO...
Those sterling fellows at UNESCO have stepped in to distance the organisation from the dubious natural7wonders.com campaign, which I mentioned in the last couple of posts, as it "cannot, in any significant and sustainable manner, contribute to the preservation of sites elected by this public" -- full press release here.

Obviously this could itself be some sort of ruse to try and get us off the hunt while Mount Fuji slips past Mount Phan Xi Pan into the top three, and if so we're not falling for it -- Fansipan vô địch!

*I'll huff and I'll puff and I'll ...

An angry mob does what the wolf couldn't do to a pig's brick house in Quang Nam and levels it. When you need to get something done, there's nothing like an angry mob...

2008-02-26T13:25:00.003+07:00

Certainly makes me wonder...

Now I know what all those kids are doing in internet cafes all around Hanoi.

2008-02-25T15:02:00.005+07:00

Nowt to do with Vietnam whatsoever parts 561, 562, 563, 564

Well, quite a few days it's been for the Oirish nation. Somebody better prepare the biggest tickertape parade the country has seen since we scored two goals in the European Championships '88.

*First we stuff the Scots at Croke Park in rugby then Spurs captain Robbie Keane lifts a trophy at Wembley...

*Then Glen "Outspan" Hansard won an Oscar...

We made this film two years ago; we shot it on two Handycams. It took us three weeks to make; we made it for a hundred grand. We never thought we'd ever come into a room like this and be in front of you people
Irishman Glen Hansard, who won best song - along with co-star Marketa Irglova - for Falling Slowly from their film Once

*He's not really Irish but he lives in Wicklow and that's good enough for us -- then Daniel Day Lewis also won an Oscar...

That's the closest I'll ever come to getting a knighthood
Daniel Day-Lewis on picking up his best actor Oscar from The Queen star Helen Mirren

* And most importantly we decide to send a gloved puppet to the Eurovision song contest...

UPDATE: I apologise for actually posting the song earlier-- it truly is a turkey. Ba dum tish.

2008-02-22T16:51:00.003+07:00

* As commanded the sun is out and all the lovely young people are blowing around without the lid on -- just like these eight year olds (from a vnexpress photo essay) who would appear to be about three foot above sea level.

2008-02-21T11:11:00.002+07:00

* There's a website new7wonders.com dedicated to compiling a list of the seven natural wonders of the world. You can vote for whatever you want as long as it is on the long list of the 77 wonders. Of course, you cynics might say it's therefore more of an indicator of who's got their marketing game going. I say poppycock! It' s about pride, glory, sticking it to the other so-called wonders and making them languish in a battle for mediocrity in the league of wonders.

Vietnam currently has three wonders in the top seven (Bangladesh also has three) -- eat that Mount Everest, Mount Fuji, Grand Canyon, Great Barrier Reef, Angel Falls, Niagara Falls, Powerscourt...

* The mysterious case of the super stimulating substance that makes vegetables grow quicker... reminds me of a film...

2008-02-20T17:25:00.004+07:00

*I would just like to say, if I were near this sandwich, I would eat it.

*Plus two for Tuesday on a Wednesday over at upstairsforthinking...

*The Vietnamese Ugly Betty hit the screens last night and you could have heard a pin drop on the streets of Hanoi as families crowded around the telly to watch... yes, it's been a long, dark and desperate winter and we've arrived at the last resort: VTV comedy shows. Springtime you can't come to soon. May we all be sitting in a bia hoi wearing shorts this time tomorrow.

2008-02-19T10:12:00.005+07:00

* Dust off your Red Dzao Hat and fill your H'Mong satchel with rượu and thuốc lào, one of Hanoi's most tres bien watering holes, Roots is throwing an Ethnic minority themed fancy dress party on Feb 22nd with DJs and turntablists (Jew's harp and chèo mash ups anyone?) and it's all for charity. More info at the Grapevine.

Rakishly tilted Red Dzao hats are sooooo hot right now.

* It Takes a Lot to Laugh, It Takes a Train to Cry on this busy little carriage. Huddling together means at least you'll stay warm I suppose. Now not that I would want to be harping on about the weather -- but check out these pix of the northern pastures.

* Of course, you can always warm up by stripping off and wrestling in a sandpit.

2008-02-18T09:49:00.004+07:00

* Headline of the morning:
PM orders counter-offensive against north’s bitter cold spell.
"Slip on your long johns and woolly jumpers and fill the hot water bottles with piping hot trà, lads, we're going in!"
(Maybe Oslo can draw us a buffalo with a beanie or a cardigan?)

* Smoker's Delight... (via Vintage Advertising)

...of course, smoking killed the poor bastard in the end.

* "Nearby in a garden, thick vines curl around a concrete tree trunk that grows into a nude maiden, the main house. Two concrete giraffes house a cafe. A giant eagle perches on an egg-shaped fireplace. The giant spiderweb is made of wires and tubes and hangs over the pond. The solitary spider is carved out of wood, but there are other webs woven through the branches of the pines and extending to the house’s roof. They make bizarre patterns against the sky..."

Can you guess where? Need a clue? Think... Gnarls Barkley... Answer here.

* Well, in terms of Rolls Royces, TPHCM is leaving Hanoi trailing in its wake, with a 5-1 advantage. Even diminutive middle aged women are getting in on the act as Bà Diệp (pictured below) splashed out a cool $1.3 million for a rolls just before Tet. But as a responsible adult you'd have to be concerned that she might not be able see over the steering wheel, non? Or am I forgetting about Anh Jeeves?

2008-02-15T17:07:00.005+07:00

Minsk Club Vietnam's 10th
anniversary and music festival

That's the email flier for the Minsk Club anniversary and music festival to be held early April and a clarion call for either a) sponsorship and b) photos (to be added to an open flickr account here)

You can email the club here --- minskclubvietnam@hotmail.com

It promises to be a hell of a day with loads and loads of great music... scratch that, AMAZING music with djs, bands and general hi-jinx going all day long at the American Club in Hanoi.

It'll be like Hanoi's answer to... um... Féile 1993!!!

I stress for the non-Minsk drivers or people unfamiliar with the club and its ethos, you DO NOT need to be a Minsk driver or have any interest in the Minsk or motorbikes at all. Doesn't matter if you ride a Honda Chaly or a Penny Farthing, you just have to live here!

So put the date in the diary and if you've any cool photos relating to Belorussia's finest steed then upload them at the flickr link.

2008-02-13T17:54:00.005+07:00

Vietnamese consortium mulls Arsenal takeover bid
* Remember you always hear it here first. Even the gooner bloggers in old London Town (ain't burning down) won't have seen this one coming, but yes, apparently, a Vietnamese group have made tentative inquiries into buying up Arsenal stocks, taking the reins of power, replacing meat pies and lager with banh mi pate and Bia Ha Noi, sacking Arsene Wenger and employing Alfred Riedl as manager then promptly losing to Thailand on penalties.

The real story here, which I admit isn't quite as interesting as I probably made it sound, and I think it's just basically one guy shooting his mouth off as if him and his mates could buy Arsenal club, if they wanted to, but sure who cares what the real story is.

We don't start rumours, we just spread'em.

2008-02-13T13:37:00.005+07:00

Bits and pieces...

* Hey! Leave those conical-hatted-women alone! Says this guy over at Thanh Nien.

* "Le Thi Man, a 31-year-old accountant, said her family of five has skipped the habit of starting the day with a streetside bowl of pho noodle soup.

"One bowl of pho a few months ago cost 10,000 dong," she said. "Now it's 15,000. Some places charge 20,000 or even 40,000 dong. Now I cook at home instead. I've just bought a box of instant noodles." "

AFP finally gets back after an extended Christmas-Tet holiday and covers the recent bout of inflation – sure, we've been talking about the price of cabbage and what have ya for months here at Pittstop HQ!!!

* "She burst through the door like a distressed damsel in an old movie; her mouth agog, her complexion rouge. Which of the exotic characters of modern Vietnam had she run up against, I wondered. Was it the pickpockets? The motorcycle gangs? A too-friendly taxi driver?"

Nope, it was the dreaded Hoi An tailors.

* From a very brief piece on Hanoi: "Besides, there cannot be many Asian capital cities of such large countries with so little traffic." Guess he was here over Tet... Pictured below is Vientiane. Now THAT'S a very quiet Asian capital... almost too quiet???

...and here's a shot of somewhere a wee bit busier. Almost... too busy???

2008-02-12T17:07:00.001+07:00

* 'For VND10,000 notes, customers have to pay VND100,000 (US$6.25) for VND90,000 ($5.6) worth of notes. The smaller the value of the note, the higher the exchange price. "I have to pay VND160,000 ($10) to get 20 notes of VND5,000." said Tran Viet Hung of ABC Tourism.' What, what!?!?!?!?!

My tuppence worth of advice...

1) If you're in the business of giving mừng tuổi or li xi and need lots of small notes -- put whatever you just got in an envelope labelled do not open till next Tet. Then distribute freely in a year's time. Repeat annually ad infinitum.

2) If a shopkeeper offers you sweets instead of VND1,000 or VND500 change refuse and demand to be treated like an adult. Accept cigarettes, shots of ruou, peanuts,or else VND2,000. Definitely demand something on principle -- for skinflints everywhere you must fight back.

Another option I'm mulling over would be to accept the sweets then return one day, slap 2oo sweets on the counter and demand VND100,000 worth of goods.

CitiMart have made a few squid in the last 10 years on that oh-so-sneaky manoeuvre and I tell ya, I've had enough!

* Happiness is a warm gun: A young guy is stopped at Noi Bai for smuggling in a gun with bullets packed elsewhere in his suitcase.

His excuse? "My mother packed my bag."
* Freezing to death: It's so cold in some parts of the north that cows are dropping dead. What would Gary Larson think?

2008-02-12T15:12:00.000+07:00

* "It might make some people’s skin crawl or stomach retch but it has been known for rats to be served up for dinner in Vietnam and there’s no respite just because it is the Year of the Rat." From TO.

Said it before, and I'll stand by my words, that's one dish I have yet to try and never will. But I really, really hate rats. But then doesn't everyone? Even David 'pick flowers with the gorillas' Attenborough hates rats.

*Nothing to do with Vietnam whatsoever #672: As nothing happened over Tet and just because he's a funny writer I'm reading a lot of lately, Charlie Brooker on UnValentine's Day.

Valentine's Day, International Women's Day and Vietnamese Women's Day never seem that far apart here (I might be very wrong about that...) and from a distance I really can't tell the difference in how people celebrate each one -- perhaps Valentine's Day is more discriminate. and on or either or both of the women's days whenever I'm out there's always a huge table of drunk men with the ladies who have on the day that's in it been allowed to tag along for the night and receive a dozen or so single red roses.

Each of these celebratory days, along with teacher's day, is also a time for florists to rejoice and think about adding another storey to the top of their house.

.

2008-02-03T13:00:00.000+07:00

* "He's just 21, no one has ever heard of him, he is making his debut for France against Scotland at outside-half this afternoon, and he is only playing there because he grew too big for his original position of scrum-half. Welcome to Francois Trinh-Duc and the madcap world of French No 10s, a surreal environment in which Trinh-Duc, the newest member of an extraordinarily ineffective cast, is the seventh individual in 23 games to feature in the pivotal role for France."

Just for you rugby fans out there, keep an eye out, or spare a thought for Francois today as he braves the not-so-sunny climes of Scotland. The young player of Vietnamese extraction will be making his debut in a side "born of beautiful folly" according to Eddie Butler.

That means he also thinks they're completely bats playing young Francois.

We shall see.

2008-02-01T15:55:00.000+07:00

Thao Nguyen and the Get Down Stay Down

I stumbled on this young lass Thao Nguyen's music thanks to Irish Times journalist Jim Carroll's music blog. She's more Virginia than Vina and now based in Washington DC-or-San Fran according to her myspace page. But thought I'd post it here 'cos she's Vietnamese and the music is dead cool. Maybe someday she'll come and play at the R&R tavern...

Here's her official website page. Some of you might notice her singing voice has a touch of Cat Power, at least that opening song on her myspace page Beat Health Life and Fire -- embedded below -- does. It's a cracker. Enjoy.

2008-01-30T14:59:00.000+07:00

*It's Kitchen God day, today. Can't remember what I'm supposed to do but it probably has something to do with the kitchen. Maybe cooking.

*What price would you put on being misdiagnosed as carrier of HIV? This dude got VND20 million out of a hospital, small change considering he spent seven years thinking he was HIV positive.

*"I didn't ask to be a millionaire so just leave me alone..." Vietnam's richest business people are miffed to be listed. Of course, don't they realise we can tell they're filthy rich? There are certain wee clues -- like living in enormous castles on the banks of West Lake is one way we know, driving a Hummer is a giveaway, as is pulling up outside a pho restaurant in a Lamborghini

* Speaking of millionaires: "The economy of

Vietnam

has been red hot in recent years and plenty of people have tapped different sectors to ride the created wave and make their riches. Tran Quang Thieu is one such man. This farmer from Van Binh Commune, Thuong Tin District of Ha Tay province which neighbours Hanoi, has become a billionaire, albeit in Vietnamese dong, thanks to his extraordinary ability to catch mice. That’s right – his company, the not so imaginatively named Quang Thieu’s Mice Killing Company, annihilates more than 2.5 million rodents on a yearly basis. This mass murder of mice as well as rats brings in a total revenue of over VND1 billion ($62,500). This lucrative business has grown from strength to strength and he now employs 30 people. The dynamic Thieu is also dabbling with consultancy and he has run workshops at plants, collective farms and airports across the land." Courtesy of Timeout's Hot Gossip.

*... "director Le Hoang’s film called Thu Thuong (Prime Minister), which is set to be released over Tet, is tipped to pull in a big slice at the box office, but rumour has it that the film about the romantic life of a fictional prime minister might have to be renamed Politician...."

I would have thought Da Vang, Prime Minister would have been the perfect title, but no one asked me.

2008-01-29T15:21:00.000+07:00

* "The Americans sent in over 2,000 dogs," says the guide. "We said, thank you very much. The Vietnamese eat dog meat and we really needed the protein." Those guides get all the good lines -- from a piece on the Cu Chi tunnels.

* I just discovered people willingly "an thit chuot" (eat rat meat), as opposed to serve it saying it's beef, and apparently it tastes like... rabbit! Here's a not-too-shocking video of a rat catcher and how the rat is prepared for dinner. Not many dishes I'd shy away from in the interests of adventure but rats...

* The dream is over for the Stock Market (you can blame that Phap-trader, everyone else is). Everyone can go back to playing cards and watching football. Of course, if you believe Charlie Brooker it never really existed in the first place (recommended read). The stock market that is.

2008-01-21T15:42:00.000+07:00

* The once-Leader of the pack and currently imprisoned Gary Glitter could be on his way back to the UK as he has a dodgy ticker...

* The street vendor law I mentioned before is up and running -- but.... "A day after Hanoi banned street vendors from sidewalks, most sellers were unaware of the prohibition and no officials appeared to be enforcing the new law." Not really surprising... I'd venture to say.

2008-01-20T16:50:00.001+07:00

Statistics do not lie
Since his cruciate ligament snapped Minsk midfield dynamo Dan Trau/Buffalo Daiquiri has reinvented himself as the Minsk Football Club's prime statistician/ data bank.

So no review of Minsk FC's 3-0 drubbing of Arsenal , just the stats...

...and a picture of some true athletes at halftime. After all Johann Cruyff was a 20-a-day-man.

2008-01-19T17:32:00.000+07:00

These streets are made for walking...
* A wee AFP piece on the new law concerning street vendors: "Vietnam's capital Hanoi plans to drive street vendors and hawkers off its sidewalks from Saturday in a push to bring order to the city and ease traffic flows, the administration said. Women in conical hats selling flowers and fruit have been an iconic part of Hanoi's colourful cityscape along with chanting vendors peddling wares from bicycle-stores, informal roadside cafes, open-air barbers and noodle shops." Read on. A Thanh Nien report here as well...

2008-01-18T14:06:00.000+07:00

Bits and pieces...
* A letter from Hanoi: Short letter-article in the Irish Times today -- subscription only I'm afraid -- on Hanoi. Just a quick whirl through life at large and a chunk of history. One thing jarred.. "To a continual chorus of get-out-of-my-way toots, vehicles (mostly Honda scooters, buy shares now) weave in and out, overtake, intersect, in a world with no apparent traffic code and only the occasional set of lights to slow the mighty stream.

All this is conducted with an impassive calm, perhaps born of the prevailing Buddhism. Road rage is not Vietnamese. The southeast Asian cultural norm of never displaying anger could be the reason."

That's of course until someone really loses it and an almighty mill breaks out. That idea of the Asian "norm of never losing your cool" is utter shite. Fairly true for a long time that the majority of people remained admirably calm in chaotic traffic, but sadly methinks that's on the wane... people do lose the rag here, and when they do, stand back, or run.

In Dublin there's a healthy amount of verbal abuse for sure. People muttering in their cars to themselves about how everyone else on the road is a total langer. Of course, living here, when I'm back in Dublin the streets, in my eyes, are like a scene out of 28 Days Later or I Am Legend ... empty, quiet, deserted. The traffic is orderly, everyone stops at red lights, indicates, pulls up outside yellow boxes, and so forth, ... now that's what I call impassive calm, born from the "prevailing Catholicism..." no doubt...

* Snakes on a plane, dude: One tonne of snakes on a Vietnam Airlines flight seized... – one tonne? PUN ALERT: However did they slip through check in...
* Buoc day di: Helmets on, straps open... not encouraging numbers on head injuries post-wear-a-helmet-or-else law. I sense a return for Summertime Ryan, the Kickstand monitor of yesteryear with a comeback campaign to help people strap up...

2008-01-16T10:47:00.000+07:00

Ouch...
* Via the GoGo rider and Tien Phong online -- a traffic policeman fails to hold onto a motorbike driver in Hanoi and gets rolled in the process (pictures here + report in tieng Viet). Had to have hurt, but fair play, he dusts himself off for a wee interview with the impromptu cameraman.

2008-01-14T13:24:00.000+07:00

Dog owner eats dog meat and likes what he tastes!

* "At first I got forced into it by friends, you know, it was someone's birthday and I couldn't not turn up, so I went along thinking I'd just pig out on the crackers and drink a few beers," explains Trung, a young dog-owner turned dog-eater. "But of course, when I got there everyone is going "an di! an di!", so i felt as if I should nibble a little, just to fit in or be polite. But then when I did, I was gobsmacked -- I mean, how good is this dog meat dipped in mam tom!? It was like there was party going on inside my mouth and everyone was invited -- especially dogs!"

Okay I just made that up. One day though. Must be one dog owner dog eater out there. A man leading a double life. Shampooing his dog on Saturdays, walking around west lake in the evenings armed with his poop-a-scoop, playing fetch in the park on Sundays, then once a month gorging on thit cho and hitting the town with the lads...

This is the usual fare that hits the papers: "For some Vietnamese dogs, life is full of home-cooked meals, motorbike rides and regular shampoos. Others are not so lucky. They end up as thit cho or dog meat...", "Van said she adores dogs so much she feels sick when she sees the dog meat stalls in the Lang Cha Ca area of Tan Binh District in HCMC and when she sees cages of condemned dogs on the back of motorbikes. “The dogs’ faces are so sad and scared because they know they’re going to die,” she said. “I want to stop the motorbikes and set them free!”

Vendors squeezed out
* The street vendors are officially being squeezed out as of Jan 24th and motorised tricycles days are numbered in TPHCM... instantly transforming urban areas into visions of Singapore, that kept me up past the dawn...

Motorbike on fire

* An Attila went on fire somewhere in Hanoi -- and there's video footage here. Love the fact lots of people stop to take a look. Curiosity and a bunch of cats.

Beep beep
* I've prattled on about beeps before -- and I won't do it again as I wear ear plugs and I think I'm 60% deaf anyway -- but here's a first, for me at least, a local writer complaining about noise pollution ...a sea change, perhaps.

Stop...
* Nothing to do with Hanoi whatsoever part 763, just for the laugh, from the streets of Dublin...

Good auld Hammer, "he is legend" and he's a blogger... as well as a superdope homeboy from the Oaktown.

2008-01-10T16:17:00.000+07:00

* You stay classy Hanoi zoo...

* The price of bia is now officially really, really expensive... (tieng Viet only, but just look at the prices and you'll get the gist). Of course, when we say expensive, we mean, you know, like, relatively speaking, and comparing prices to back in 1999 BC, when it came out of the taps of every house in Bach Khoa. Today it's VND5,ooo to VND6,000 for a glass of Bia Hoi Ha Noi.

2008-01-09T14:26:00.000+07:00

Tigers, the runs, Chicken tamiflu...

* An English version of the story about the two tigers that were found in a car in Hanoi here at AFP HQ.

* And guess who's back? The runs, that's who. Now that's something for us all to look forward to...

* Bird flu has also resurfaced, most recently in Son La province, so might be "Chicken tamiflu" for Tet.

2008-01-09T13:49:00.000+07:00

Review of the month (last month)
Missed this review of a new restaurant from last month over at the SNooze. Definitely a contender for most astonishing restaurant review I have ever seen printed even though I haven't a rashers what he's on about.

Stand out snippets: the interior is "Cozy contempo-minimalist", the concierge desk is a "slanted grey marshmallow", the total effect is "short of opulent but thoroughly Oriental in a temporarily satisfying way. It’s like King Herod’s breakfast nook – no leopards, belly dancers or sandalwood smoke, yet its intentions seemingly pay lip service to "decadence", "the street’s audio-spatial cacophony of tchotchkes for sale is suddenly gone, like putting on a pair of velvet earplugs... ", "In its own way (that is, removing fun and Truman Capote from the equation), going to Green Mango is an experience akin to having gone to Studio 54 in New York preternaturally cursed with the foreknowledge of all that would come after: here is a Disneyland ride where one can feel wealthy and with-it while consuming the raw distillate of a certain moment in a city and a nation’s history. Like Studio 54, the last greatest disco, one is on hand as a trend is perfected, transcended, and rendered obsolete in the very same instant. Green Mango merits consideration, as do the processes of history that brought it to an ageless mercantile avenue of Thang Long."

Oh, and the food is "wonderful".

2008-01-08T15:51:00.000+07:00

My Chemical Romance in TPHCM
Not my cup of tea, and not in Hanoi, but very interesting to see that a band of My Chemical Romance's stature (not to mention rock stance capabilities) will be playing in the sunny South this month ...

..."Music junkies in HCM City will get their chance to enjoy the American smash-hit emo band My Chemical Romance (MCR) at the international rock show Unite 08 on January 20," says the SNooze, before cheekily quipping "Let’s hope MCR’s five members... can keep up with their Vietnamese counterparts."

Let's hope this is the start of more big acts heading this way.

2008-01-08T14:20:00.001+07:00

O'Bama's Irish heritage
Nothing to do with Vietnam whatsoever #72: You should know by now you'll never beat the Irish, so bad news indeed for poor Hilary that the bauld buachaill Barack O'bama is actually from Co. Offaly... (Hilarious/ dodgy image of the decade: the closing shot of a pint of the black stuff being poured -- oh dearie me...)

Tiocfaidh ar la anyone?

2008-01-08T11:41:00.000+07:00

Who could frame thy fearful symmetry?

Some feckers with a Toyota, that's who. Read more here (Tieng Viet only).

I like to imagine whoever owned the car popping down the road for pho and leaving Shere Khan jnr. here sitting in the front seat...

2008-01-07T09:33:00.000+07:00

Water Puppets left high and dry?
The Red River is at its lowest level in a hundred years and water shortages may very well leave the Water Puppets having to rethink their aquatic nature.

Representatives of the troupe of pool faring wooden-homunculi have already announced that the script writers have been brainstorming ideas and plans for a production of Lawrence cua Arabia to hit the stage before Tet have already been mooted.

Okay, I just made that up as I've nothing better to do. We're all avoiding work here at Pittstop HQ, if only to discover the essence of laziness, like these Colombian guys I just read about.

Work, after all, is the refuge of people who have nothing better to do.

2008-01-06T21:59:00.000+07:00

Jobs for the boys
I've overheard a number of people around town saying, 'whatever happened to all the shoeshine boys', as there appears to be less in Hanoi in recent times, but perhaps we're about to see more coming back to plying this trade as with the advent of the wear-a-helmet-or-else-law the lads currently out there have come up with a nifty business plan -- a diversification of their services, if you will. (About one minute in to that video.)

Can't say I'd bother myself, but the kid interviewed says he's doing a-ok out of it.

2008-01-06T15:10:00.000+07:00

Million dollar baby

* Ladies and gents, we have a new leader in the competitive sport of flash-the-cash: "She likes BMWs and already owns three..." So sure why wouldn't she splash out another $1.5 million on a Rolls?

2007-12-21T18:21:00.000+07:00

Pittstop Works' staffers are not in the office
We've done a legger back to sunny Ireland for the Christmas and will not be posting anything until sometime in the New Year and you shouldn't be on the computer and wasting your time on the bleeding internet anyway.

It's Christmas. Go put on your woolly jumper, read a book, watch Raiders of the Lost Ark, ET, A Wonderful Life, etc, and drink, eat and be merry, fall asleep on the couch.

Have a good one.

2007-12-19T13:48:00.000+07:00

Stop the traffic
Q-- How do you stop the tiny-wee-three-foot-above-sea-level people on the streets with no helmets?

A-- With a tiny wee stop sign of course.

2007-12-19T11:45:00.000+07:00

Owl and the Sparrow
The film Owl and the Sparrow, directed by a Viet Kieu fellow called Stephen Gauger and set as well as shot in Saigon, has been in the press a bit here of late but it's been picking up awards around the world for the last year. Might be worth a look if you can find it -- wherever you are dear reader on foreign shores. Will be hitting the cinemas in Vietnam early next year.

2007-12-18T13:48:00.000+07:00

Tom Waits for Christmas No.1 in Ireland
Nothing to do with Hanoi, Vietnam whatsoever: Could 'Christmas card from a hooker in Minneapolis' by Tom Waits be number one for Christmas back in sunny Ireland?

This guy hopes so because he wants to stick it to the man -- Louis Walsh, Westlife, daytime radio, etc -- and I urge my three Dublin based readers to support this ever-so naughty campaign.

"The song will need to be purchased online before the 20th of December in order to do this"... "anywhere IRMA use the stats for the charts..."

2007-12-18T10:31:00.000+07:00

The SEA Games -- a striking pattern

The 2001 games Held in Malaysia...

Position	Country	Gold	Silver	Bronze	Total
1	Malaysia	111	75	85	271
2	Thailand	103	86	89	278
3	Indonesia	72	74	80	226
4	Vietnam	33	35	64	132
5	Philippines	30	66	67	163

.... the 2003 games held in Vietnam

	Vietnam	158	97	91	346
2	Thailand	90	93	98	281
3	Indonesia	55	68	98	221
4	Philippines	48	54	75	177
5	Malaysia	44	42	59	145

...the 2005 games held in Philippines

1	Philippines	113	84	94	291
2	Thailand	87	78	118	283
3	Vietnam	71	68	89	228
4	Malaysia	61	49	65	175
5	Indonesia	49	79	89	217

...and most recently in Thailand

Thailand	183	123	103	409	150^[2]
2	Malaysia	68	52	96	216	64^[3]
3	Vietnam	64	58	82	204	60-65^[4]
4	Indonesia	56	64	83	203	65^[5]
5	Singapore	43	43	41	127	35-4

The wonders of home advantage eh? The next games are in Laos so this pattern might come to an end unless snoozing, taking it easy, tubing down the Mekong and other such activities can become recognised sports. However... I did note that if the laid back Laoatians fail to get their act together the games will be moved to Singapore.

2007-12-17T23:07:00.000+07:00

Consumers demand instructions
Irritated by suggestions on this very blog that they don't understand the concept of a helmet, people who've been whizzing around devil-may-care without their helmet-strapped on properly have pointed the finger at manufacturers, who have failed to supply instructions.

Deadly serious though, this article from those sterling people at Vietnamnet does actually provide instructions -- as you see below. Next week -- buckling up!

Helmets are already getting a bad rap from people tired of carrying them around everywhere as if you leave one on your bike, these days, now that you need to wear one, it'll be promptly thieved.

One answer is the helmet-padlock -- but can Ong Viet Tiep (Mr Padlock of Vietnam) manage to get 22 million padlocks to meet demand!? The website says they can only produce 10 million products a year. Get the lead out lads!

In the same video you'll also see Hanoi's latest street side business -- helmet-minders.

Life, eh?

2007-12-17T11:26:00.000+07:00

Helmets on heads but...

A marvelous photo essay on Vietnamnet today, which gives you a good idea of why incidents of brain trauma won't be going down quite as much as expected/ hoped with introduction of the wear-a-helmet-or-else-law. The guy with his helmet on backwards is a winner, as well as the one with his mobile tucked into the side -- bravo! -- and the one with the strap on over the top of his helmet, as opposed to under his chin... well, what can we say, too cool for school, boys.

There's a fair bit of back slapping going on over the success of the new law: Compliance marks first day of helmet law says the Thanh Nien, with an estimated 90 per cent of the population at large wearing helmets, (99 per cent in Hanoi apparently -- ngoan the!).

But... as you'll see in the photo essay, quite a few of these compliant folk are not quite getting the concept behind the whole grand scheme. (How to wear a helmet workshops?)

You know what they say, if common sense was common, there'd be more of it around.

2007-12-17T10:51:00.000+07:00

Off road driving
Sometimes in the morning you can get an instant almost instinctive sense of the madness on the roads. You just know something is going to happen. You spot subtle telltale signs such as the taxi driver on Xuan Dieu road this morning trying to overtake seven cars by slaloming in and out of the cars one by one while flashing his lights, tooting his horn and generally looking like an almighty accident about to happen, but one doesn't. He gets to his destination – to pick up a customer and then starts to drive slowly and carefully down Yen Phu road, perhaps making pleasant chit chat with his fare. "Traffic is awful today, isn't it?", "Oh yes, so many crazy drivers on the roads these days...", "All trees and bicycles when I was a young girl.", "Oh yes, if it weren't for the tigers we would have been sleeping out in the woods."

Then a little bit further down Nghi Tam road you see the road is jammed and you slip down the gutter-road below and spot this.

It's one of those just-as-terrifying-as-it-is-funny moments. And there's a touch of the giant turnip about it. All these guys were ready to put their bodies on the line and push as the driver tried to reverse the car back up, I think. I didn't stick around. I think they should just leave it there, to slowly rust and rot, and one day, years from now, it will be a wee-moss-covered hillock and young dandies will loll on top making daisy-chains, penning sonnets and blowing kisses to the ladies flowing past on electric-powered-unicycles.

2007-12-17T10:11:00.000+07:00

Mind your 'Ps' and 'Qs' and the odd 'n'

Well, a small business cocking up their English spelling is more forgivable than say a national carrier getting the grammar wrong on several million cardboard boxes served to every English speaking customer on short hops from Hanoi or HCM City to Danang or Nha Trang, etc.

This shop just opened up on the top of Dang Thai Mai, beside this bia hoi joint.

Can't really say anything to that can you. Recently built, it has yet to open. In a country with a few thousand menus advertising 'fried crap' and so on, not a big surprise, but if you're going for high-end, as they are in this case, it's a rather calamitous error.

(How's my spelling and grammar there? I realise I'm not necessarily one to be on the high horse in that regard)

2007-12-13T15:12:00.000+07:00

Hit and Runs -- that's plural
Oh lord, all these new cars and people learning as they go makes me very nervous. Last week local newspapers reported a series of hit and runs – that’s plural – all by the same car. A black Porsche Cayenne SUV knocked a bunch of motorbikes over while driving over Thanh Nien Road in Hanoi, injuring two people seriously – the billion-dong car only stopped when one of its tires went flat. There were two people inside – a 25-year-old woman and a 35-year-old man – and when the police caught up with them and hauled them down the station both of them pointed the finger at each other and said “He/ she was driving!” Apparently both were behind the wheel at different stages. The woman has no driving license and she said she was suffering from low blood pressure which is why she couldn’t control the car (nothing to do with the fact she couldn’t drive).

Here's a video of the trail of destruction left behind.

2007-12-13T14:33:00.000+07:00

Weird futuristic helmets
This is it, the last days before December 15th, the day helmets become compulsory for EVERYONE! The police will be out en masse ready to take down you helmet-less mavericks.

Though let's see what happens. Everyone is buying one, though plenty of people aren't actually wearing them yet, stubbornly waiting for the deadline day, enjoying those last days of the wind-blowing-through-your-hair-freedom and the way she might look at you at the traffic lights...

This xe om driver told AFP why he has bought two helmets but is enjoying his last days blowing around with the lid off: "When everybody starts to wear rice cookers on their heads, we will look like we all come from another planet. We'll look like we're living in the 25th century."

Say what?

See also this recent Time article -- Fashion police vs. Traffic Police

2007-12-13T11:00:00.000+07:00

Scorpions on a plane
A passenger airliner in Vietnam was halted on the runway in Danang yesterday when scorpions were found loose in the cabin -- "I am sick and tired of these mudderfuggin' scorpions on this mudderfuggin plane," someone should have said.

A sequel for Samuel Jackson and the boys?

2007-12-13T09:56:00.000+07:00

Vietnam football team flops, Coach Reidl resigns, will the betrayed fan want his kidney back?

When I clicked on Alfred Riedl's homepage this morning it appeared I was the first ever visitor. At least the counter was set at zero. It felt like an honour...

...and honour is what the Vietnam Football Federation wanted him to resign with -- after Vietnam flopped at the SEA games and grown men wept-- pleading with him to leave voluntarily so they didn't have to sack him (and shell out more dollars).

But he wasn't going easy -- claiming he wasn't to blame, entirely, and that's fair enough, as he certainly didn't take one of the penalties in the shoot out against the might of Myanmar and Vietnam missed three out of four. Anyway, eventually he settled for a pay out of less than 100 % and more than what the VFF first suggested and life goes on.

That was the third stint for Riedl as coach of the national team since 1998. He was hailed a hero after the 2007 Asia Cup when Vietnam reached the quarter finals and -- feel the love! -- when he required a new kidney earlier in the year more than 70 football fans offered to donate the vital organ to him! One was chosen and Riedl made a full recovery.

"I asked them why they wanted to do this, and they said: 'You did something good for us, and now we help you,'" Riedl later told reporters.

Can this 'kidney for a favour philosophy' be reversed and if so, will the irate fan now demand his kidney back? Worrying times indeed for the Austrian coach.

Anyway, we here at Pittstop Works salute the man who once answered the Timeout reporter's question 'if the goal posts were widened in football would there be more shots off the post?' with a cold and reasoned 'no'.

How can you fault this blunt, pragmatic, logic?

When asked in July if his side could ever be a major force in Asia he said, simply, no.

"We can do something in the Southeast Asian region and sometimes in the Asian region but generally we can't have success because we are too small," he said. "You saw this, their players are 1.85m (Iraqis) and ours are 1.70m-something."

A team of wee men -- you know like Maradona, Carlos Tevez... em, Terry Phelan ...

Your best Wee-Men Football XI on a postcard.

2007-12-12T15:03:00.000+07:00

Named and shamed
These two poor French backpackers travelling in Thailand not only got mugged and robbed by a pack of thieving trannies in Bangkok after agreeing to a bit of horseplay back in their hotel room but the Nation went to the trouble of publishing their names for added embarrassment.

"Oh merde," I imagine one of them might have said to the other this morning.

2007-12-12T13:20:00.000+07:00

STOP THE PRESS!

The CAMA party this Saturday has been forced to change locations -- the party will be held at same venue where CAMA threw their last MONSTER party with Stylish Nonsense et al.

For those who weren't there... S'il Vous plait.

The CAMA team asked us to tell you to tell your friends and your friends' friends about the change in venue.

2007-12-11T22:54:00.000+07:00

* Did I mention Minsk FC beat runaway league leaders Bac A Bank with a late winner the other day? A day for the underdogs indeed.

Never seen such handsome underdogs in all my years as a taxi driver.

2007-12-11T14:34:00.000+07:00

Christmas cheer

* The great bout of diarrhea is over. Get back to eating your vegetables.

* Why you should support the highly successful but under supported Vietnamese women's football team and not the men's team at the SEA games.

* Don't forget Saturday is for dancing and CAMA have organised you and your friends a party. Come early and don't drive if you're on the lash.

* I discovered Vietnam News' golf column today and I'll be looking out for it in future. Here's his classy opening gambit -- "Brown greens [in winter] are not something that I enjoy, but I do enjoy ladies dressed to the nines in their winter clothes though, so there is a nice balance. There’s something about a good looking lady in high leather boots which I have always enjoyed..."

He gets back to talking about golf at some stage, but before that he also talks about the Horison Hotel's Christmas decorations which have pictures of an "elf with an axe, [...] smoking a crack pipe, [...] drinking beer and..." his favourite ..."one with his pants down and what appears to be his "Shmeckel" (that’s Yiddish, look it up for yourself) hanging out..." then later on he closes with these lines: "...the courses get a bit quieter between Christmas and New Year, thus, I can get in a few rounds as well. Hey, I need to relax too! But with my luck, I’ll get a caddie who resembles one of the Horison’s elves..."

As a blogger might write nowadays -- "WTF?" *

* That stands for "what the flibberty-jibbet" I think...

2007-12-09T13:28:00.000+07:00

Enter the Dragon

While people might have been complaining about the price of cabbage and what have you in Vietnam of late (certainly not me mind you), spare a thought for the Plain People of Ireland who in search of a nice, plump Dragon Fruit to have after their lunch come face to face with this staggering price -- €3 for one sole Dragon Fruit, as spotted by Teddy de Burca Snr. while strolling through the Dublin suburbs.

I suppose if something gets transported half way across its universe, it has every right to inflate its own price by 30 or 35 times. Like that other spiky fruit David Beckham...

Anyway much delighted I am to discover the Dragon Fruit's worth in the homeland -- there was me worrying myself sick over what to bring home for Christmas: A kilo of Dragon Fruit it is, otherwise known as "Pitahaya, Strawberry Pear, Cactus fruit, Night blooming Cereus, Belle of the Night and the Cinderella plant..."

If you're off to England, you can do likewise, as after my three seconds of research, I note that its £1.79 per fruit in Tesco's.

For best effects, serve chilled.

2007-12-05T16:47:00.000+07:00

*As Derek Zoolander will tell you, it's hard being really, really, ridiculously good looking... and poor auld male models in Vietnam are peeved because they don't get as much cash as the chicks: "male models struggle to make ends meet in an under developed industry plagued by gender bias..." or so says this article in Thanh Nien, sublimely titled: The Adonis Dilemma.
"Binh Minh said, “In most shows, we only function as a foil for the girls. We can't change our status. Yet, we still remain on the catwalk due to our love and dedication for the art of fashion..." while the reporter ponders... "how long it will be before Vietnam invests sufficiently to address the industry's gender compensation gap and wholeheartedly promote its local Adonises to the world."
Sometimes it is hard to be a man. As well as really, really, ridiculously good looking. But I'm sure a few Orange Mocha Frappuchini will cheer them up.

* The Minsk Club's famous victory over the Drink team is reviewed with no bias whatsoever by that outrageously handsome midfielder Richard 'the Boy' Rastall. Could have been a model if it weren't for his love of nature, a pint of bitter and a pack of tabs...

2007-12-05T13:50:00.000+07:00

Money, money, money...

* At Pittstop HQ we're not obsessed with money, really -- everyone else just won't stop talking about it. The price of cabbage has gone up along with everything else... and I need a raise, along with everyone else.

The other day more than 10,000 workers walked out of a South Korean plant that makes shoes for Nike, demanding higher pay to keep pace with rising prices in Vietnam.
People can't afford weddings...
...or babies – (there's a news video here on that same topic)

...yeah, yeah, "Vietnam's so hot right now" but its beginning to be a right pain in the arse for a lot of people and I might be one of them. Oh for the days of impecunity, obscurity and dial up internet...

* Pittstop's Powerful imagery of the day award goes to the VNews' article on seven-year-olds with 4kg bags : "If the current pressure cooker stays in place, and the nation’s children never learn to play, I fear this generation will grow up to become neurotic, uncreative robots. What’s more, these robots may be afflicted with the health woes that come with years of physical inactivity." Read on if you want...

2007-12-03T14:48:00.000+07:00

Whoop-jug I love thee!

* CAMA party on the horizon: Last CAMA party of the year on December 15th with djs, bands and the usual level of tomfoolery. More info on the where and the who.

* 24 hours to do Hanoi: If you could spend 24 hours in Hanoi -- as a guest -- would you take the Financial Times' advice on what to do? The FT boys go bananas and get up at 6am, have coffee in a cafe which doesn't exist anymore, head off for a quick museum fix, spend six hours in the Old Quarter and then eat some fancy French food... next stop -- Shanghai!

* Nuoc mam: How shall I count the ways I love thee?

* Minsk FC: Hanoi's handsomest team, Minsk FC finally got back to winning ways against Hanoi's most French team, after Sub-Gaffer Brian Lalor and Perma-Gaffer Johnny Symons sent out a rallying cry for 'players to show some more passion'. Final score 2- 0 with goals from much criticised and out of form strikers La Tete and Uncle Cooper. No pics or review yet.

* Did you know... "The number of abortions has declined in Ho Chi Minh City, but the large Asian city still sees more abortions there than live births." Read on.

* Simile of the week: "Vietnam seems on the boil, like the pots at the ubiquitous pho stands." Bravo!

* Documentaries: I heard it on the Grapevine that there's a festival of documentaries from today until December 15th in Hanoi.

2007-11-30T14:44:00.000+07:00

83 years and still going strong
Those flamboyant head-the-ball Cao Daiists celebrate 83 years of their hotch-potch religion this week and the giant unblinking Divine Eye knows you weren't there to blow out the candles.

It really is a far out religion. This year old timeout article on Cao Dai gives you the basics. Here's an older over the top article describing it as a congregation of kitsch amongst other things.

Trivia: Did you know even Mr. Graham Greene is said to have once flirted with the idea of converting to Caodaiism but quickly backtracked describing it on his return to England in the mid 1950s as, “a game that had gone on too long.” Must have been the pink decor that turned him off.

Check it out:

He also described it as a "Disney-like fantasia of the east". Whether he said that before or after he considered signing up for a colourful robe I know not.

2007-11-29T16:12:00.000+07:00

My life with a bomb - part II
You might remember that story I was telling you about the poor wee man in Dong Trach commune in Quang Binh province in Central Vietnam, who found an undetonated bomb in his own backyard while building a new outhouse for himself and ever-so-BRAVELY removed it then drove off to an uninhabited area outside town, all by himself, to ensure the safety of others, only to be told to take it back to his house by a couple of silly-billies with uniforms, caps and whistles.

Well... after those fine, upstanding fellows at MAG (Mines Advisory Group - We salute you!) defused the bomb, the beleaguered gent revealed EXCLUSIVELY (to Pittstop Works' friend's colleague's interpreter) how he was forced to keep watch over the bomb for six sleepless days and nights.

"I couldn't do my job, I couldn't do anything. My wife and my grandchildren were afraid so they stayed with my relatives who live far away from here. So at night, I sat in the house alone. My neighbours knew what had happened so no one in the neighbourhood dared to go outside."

Poor man. Anyway, thankfully, he's survived his ordeal and lived to tell the tale.

2007-11-29T10:56:00.000+07:00

Stock market philosophy - part 21 (from the VN Financial Gazette)

As the stock market grows with maturity, inevitably people are starting to come up with sage like advice for those either immersed in the world of trading stocks or tempted to test the waters. Everyday we hear a new one here at the VN Financial Gazette offices, like the other day, when a visiting executive told us: “When the tide is high, no one knows you’re naked…”
"Nothing wrong with a bit of skinny dipping," we replied, not really getting the point, if there was one.
"You see, what I mean is, when the tide is low you’ll see just how many people are completely starkers," he explained.
"..."
"Look, its a metaphor for the dangers of penniless speculators," he went on.
"..."
"And there's no lifeguards to bail you out of the deep end," he added.
"What about arm floats?"
"What?"
"Or expandable under arm gussets?"
"Excuse me?"
"Inflatable chair loungers? Buoyancy aids? Snorkeling equipment? Stock-market-goggles?"

After 30 minutes of continued discussions, we believe the point is... for those without significant financial backing, its recommended you do some semi-nude sub-aquatic investigation in shallow waters before going, er, deep-sea diving.

For those who are on the ocean’s floor in their birthday suits still trying to happen upon the treasure, the bad news is regulations are set to tighten meaning there won’t be so much side street dealings for stocks in the near future.

It might be time to come up for air.

2007-11-28T13:40:00.000+07:00

Finally, a story of love in the time of … cholera!

On Bat Su street in Hanoi’s Old Quarter there’s a woman looking for love. She’s not afraid to stand right outside her own front door and let the world know that she’s ready for a young, handsome, charming man to sweep her off her 77-year-old-feet. Do Thi Tan hit the local newspapers last week after hanging a colourful banner in a bid to woo potential suitors. If ever there was a Queen Bee, it is she!

With one marriage under her belt already, Tan is keeping her eye out for a man who is tall, muscular, unmarried and handsome. She sells soft drinks and sweets outside her house, waiting patiently for the day her prince charming arrives. Her small house is said to be worth a rather whopping $1 million, so let’s hope no one uses the poor woman to get their hands on the property!

Yes, she may be long in the tooth, but she has passion in spades. Her banner, which she commissioned an artist to create, stresses how fierce this woman’s love is. She claims she is still quite robust and she can eat five kilogrammes of fried fish immediately, which is certainly no mean feat. Neighbours confirm she's healthy, light on her feet and easy going.

Her five children have grown up and have their own families and do not oppose her search for love, so you have no reason to fear the wrath of her irate children.

Recently, Tan is said to have “spotted” a man of her choice who is 22 years old, but so far she’s playing coy on how this relationship is progressing! Oh you tease!

Pic: from VNexpress

Your expression of the week: May bay ba gia thich phi cong tre (The old plane likes a young pilot!)

2007-11-26T11:44:00.000+07:00

Kimono traders

Bored, rich and restless? Wondering what to do with your surplus cash? Well, how about jetting off to a foreign country and dabbling in the stock market? It might seem a rather risky practice, or even complete madness, but recent reports in local media suggest that scores of Japanese have been lured by the attractiveness of Vietnam's red-hot stock market and are doing just that. Tours are available for individual investors who want to fly into Ho Chi Minh City and make transactions in the stock market. Perhaps even more surprising is the fact that these investors are said to be house wives, who have the money and time to swoop in and buy and sell stocks. And while they’re at it, sure a bit of shopping on Dong Khoi and a foot massage, one might imagine. This is not specific to Vietnam and part of a wider trend which has seen Japanese housewives ditch their traditional roles, or daytime soaps, for the world of currency trading and influencing both international markets and Japan’s economy while they’re at it. They have been dubbed 'the kimono traders' by the international media. (From TO)

2007-11-24T00:12:00.001+07:00

Nothing to do with Vietnam whatsoever...
Even if you're not a folkie you'll enjoy Irish musician Fionn Regan's video amongst the elements and the ticks and tocks of life at large. Very clever. And great wellies.

2007-11-21T17:28:00.000+07:00

Drinking water ain't what it should be but what are you gonna do?
Apparently AsiaLIFE HCMC has stalled over some internal brouhaha -- time to swoop in and set up LIFEAsia HCMC while no one is looking. Who's with me?
A very troubling article by Marcus Gee on child prostitution in the southern city
PLUG: Those HITS fellas (Thespians of Hanoi!) are putting on two mini-plays this weekend. One's a satire so it might be funny but don't come complaining to me if it's not. Personally I'm allergic to theatre performances where everyone in the audience knows everyone on stage -- the collective chumminess makes me a bit claustrophobic...
And one serious food-blogger is most confused at why "Germany's most famous man of letters" has kebab stands all over Hanoi...
ANOTHER PLUG: There's a music festival in Hanoi -- not very well advertised as per usual so here's the poster. Free tickets from Goethe Institut, L'Espace, British Council, wrap up of the bands here

2007-11-19T17:07:00.000+07:00

Vietnam's so hot right now...

A Canadian financial journalist is in town and he says "surf's up".

But if someone's friend's friend's friend says its safe to surf is it safe to surf?
With many newly privatized companies releasing little reliable financial information, surfers often buy and sell on the basis of rumour and hearsay. "They'll say things like, 'My friend has an uncle who has a sister who's married to a guy who bought this stock,' " says Mark Djandjy, a Canadian who is head of research for Ho Chi Minh City's Horizon Security Analysis.

Surfer Pham Thanh Tung, 29, says he has increased his money 11 times since he started trading a couple of years ago. "It's easy to buy, easy to sell," he says, "I give you money and you give me stocks - nobody knows."

Another surfer, Trinh Tuan Vu, 26, says he once walked into a café with six billion Vietnamese dong, the local currency, in three ordinary plastic shopping bags. That's nearly $400,000 (US).

And what's that got to do with the price of cabbage, says you.... Well, while its good surf for some the auld dears ain't so happy with ... well, the price of cabbage.

Snippets from the local press...

Million-dollar-dolt
Police in Hanoi arrested an employee of the Noi Bai Airport Joint Stock Cargo Services Company (NCS) after mysterious disappearance and subsequent reappearance of two boxes containing $1 million from warehouses at Noi Bai Airport early last week. The saga began yesterday at the warehouses operated by NCS when the two boxes arrived at 10:30 a.m last week. Techcombank was the intended receiver of the currency. However no one from the bank was there to retrieve the packages when the money arrived. At noon, the employee reported that the packages had suspiciously vanished. The contents were approximately $900,000 worth of Euro along with other foreign currencies. Police came to the scene to investigate. By 4pm the boxes were surprisingly located in another area of the warehouse. Four suspects including Thang were detained by police for questioning and he confessed to having moved the boxes himself

Please can I go to prison
The vice Director of Nhat Tan Co Ltd which specialised in import-export activities, has submitted an application to be jailed along with his brother, the director of the company, to “avoid tax payment” due to what he called the indifference attitude of the taxation authorities in his locality.

2007-11-14T10:41:00.001+07:00

¥ A writer from Atlantic.com is in Vietnam and blogging like Billio. Wish I was on holidays.

¥ Meanwhile those Crocs are still on the loose and...

¥ Rain, rain, rain... in the central parts of Vietnam.

"About 2,500 foreigners were among 3,000 tourists who have been confined to hotels in the city of Hue by floodwaters triggered by heavy rains from a tropical depression." says Reuters. "Nearly 150 old houses have been submerged in Hoi An town, a World Heritage site and a popular tourist destination in Quang Nam province..."

2007-11-13T10:16:00.000+07:00

I'm working on a synopsis for my new film: Crocodiles on a Train. Feel free to drop suggestions in the comment box. Get on board, it's going to be MASSIVE.

General gist: A flashflood washes away 5,000 crocs in Khanh Hoa province. Meanwhile a young man witnesses the murder of a hapless drug dealer by a mafia boss. He escapes and tells the police what he saw, which is pretty handy as the police just can't put away this nasty mafia boss without a first hand witness. Bad-ass detective Samuel Jackson takes the young hero by train (planes can't fly in the storm, see) to Hanoi to testify against the mafia boss. But the dastardly mafia boss rounds up all the crocs before the croc farmers do and puts them all on the train to Hanoi and creates a powerful drug which after being set off by timed-bomb-device makes the crocs go really, really loco. Like frothing at the mouth ready for a feeding frenzy-loco. So the crocs go berserk and eat pretty much everyone except for our young hero, Samuel L. Jackson, a really good looking female-train-steward and a fat kid who learnt to drive trains with the help of a computer game. Samuel gets really annoyed and says "I've had it with these mudderfuggin crocodiles on this mudderfuggin train..." so he tells everyone to tie themselves to the chairs, drives the train through a lake and washes away all the crocs, while the young fat kid successfully pulls the train into Hanoi station. Samuel kisses the steward and everyone heads off for bun cha through the "mudderffuggin'" traffic .

Le fin

2007-11-08T22:57:00.001+07:00

‡ Gangsters online -- you have to admire the 'thinking outside the box' entrepreneurial spirit. Though now they've been arrested you'd also have to say on a scale of one to ten, one being thick as two short planks, ten being super brainy, they'd score pretty low.

‡ Back in the one-room house he shares with his mother, he says what most impressed him about Hanoi was electricity, but otherwise he didn't really like the big city. Read on...

2007-11-08T13:19:00.000+07:00

• Floods in central Vietnam in pictures

• A colleague just sent me this story from a local paper: What do you do if you find an undetonated bomb in your backyard? Put it somewhere safe? Recently a man living in Dong Trach commune in Quang Binh province in Central Vietnam, had some extra facilities added to his house and came across a bomb around 1.6m long. He informed the authorities then carried the bomb off to the uninhabited sand dunes far from all residential areas. But when two members of the local military force caught up with him, they ordered him to bring the bomb back to his home for safekeeping! They also warned him if he lost it, he would assume all possible responsibility. Baffled, the man obliged though the two men have since been punished by the local authorities.

2007-11-06T18:16:00.000+07:00

A blog in the time of Cholera. SARS, bird flu, cholera... give us a break will ya?!

2007-11-06T16:09:00.000+07:00

Finally... three points for the Minsk football club

2007-11-06T10:57:00.000+07:00

Now turn off your computer and go outside and play (A photo essay)
"The government requires that games developed in Vietnam get more boring after five hours of play, encouraging children to focus on other activities."

Vietnam is apparently a "crouching tech tiger" but seriously who's gonna buy the Segway??? Then again people still buy the Sinclair C5. Poor auld Clive... way ahead of his time.

Mind you, a Segway or a C5 might be handy for nipping down the road at lunchtime for an egg sandwich or a post-work bia.

2007-11-05T14:43:00.000+07:00

* Ia Chay: RE the outbreak of the runs, it's the vegetables. Those god-damn raw vegetables! (or so says someone
from WHO, who told someone I know). So leave mam tom out of this. Though it is still banned

* After eating nom du du on Thursday and Friday, all the accompanying veg I had with bun cha on Friday, the salad I had on Friday night... I was thinking I was eating healthily. The Ngoc Ha market was half-empty this morning. Only meat and fruit available, so the powers that be are taking this pretty seriously.

* The weather, oh we'll always have the weather: A stunning day, like a perfect Irish summer's day (no sniggering at the back), 25 degrees, blue sunny skies... but my office colleagues are wearing jumpers and scarves. It was good enough for the turtle (perhaps he's Irish?). He clambered up onto the island in Hoan kiem lake to soak up the rays according to that man-about-town-Julio. Of course, the turtle might just be trying to get out of the murky depths to breathe. Of course if you foolishly believed everything you read at Pittstop Works you'd know that he's actually a 62-year old retired sub-aquatic minesweeper.

* I am, for the record, wearing socks.

* Correction: I said that Thuy Linh was a verb and an adjective, but it was actually Vang Anh, the name of the show she was in. Example: A young man comes home late at night and his brother will tease him, I'm translating obviously, "You were out doing a Vang Anh", or something along those lines.

2007-11-01T13:45:00.000+07:00

The mam tom bellyache

Foreigners often retch at the sight or thought of mam tom (fermented shrimp paste) and while ye hardy-eaters and locals might titter at others timidity before wolfing down some mam tom on top of your tofu or cha ca, it appears that the infamous purple substance is the cause of an outbreak of the runs. Really, really bad runs according to this article.

A few dozen patients in the capital city and other northern provinces have been hospitalised with identical symptoms: diarrhea, vomiting, and water exhaustion and up to 90 per cent of these people ate raw food, such as -- we all need a scapegoat in times of trouble -- mam tom (shrimp paste)!

According to the article, the local authorities have even banned the use of shrimp paste at restaurants -- I'd like to see if that's actually being followed -- and people are being warned off other raw goodies such as those pork rolls (nem chua) you get at bia hoi.

Banning mam tom and nem chua... well I never.

2007-10-30T17:26:00.000+07:00

Thanh Nien invites us to Meet Bill from Saigon -- doesn't look a day over 80 but apparently he's in his 50s. It's a clip made by an American guy who was smitten by Bill -- real name Hung -- and his youthful exuberance. His clip on youtube has been watched over 69,000 times. Proof we'll watch anything someone else has watched. I just did anyway. I was person 69,169. Seems like a lovely old fella but hardly surprising that an old guy can speak English in Saigon, is it? Near my office there's a hall of geriatric table tennis enthusiasts and one of them speaks Spanish, French, German and Russian and even some Chinese. It disappoints him no end that as I speak none of those languages we have to speak in Vietnamese and so he doesn't have a chance to show off in front of his mates.

2007-10-30T14:20:00.000+07:00